Former Melbourne star Ryan Papenhuyzen has revealed how a late season head knock against Brisbane was the key moment he decided to step away from the game and prioritise his health.
The 27-year-old 2020 premiership winner has provided an insight into the thinking behind his decision to leave the NRL a year early and not see out his contract with the Storm in 2026.
He went as far as to say: "I think I have retired."
He outlined his reasoning on the "167 Podcast" with former teammates and close friends Jahrome Hughes and Cameron Munster.
While he confirmed there had been talks with the now postponed R360 rugby union competition, that was not the rationale behind his brave call.
After battling injury and concussion in his short but always electrifying 113-game NRL career, it was an illumination moment at Suncorp Stadium in round 27 last year that caused the deep-thinking Papenhuyzen to consider his future.
"I'll start from the Brisbane game in the last round," Papenhuyzen said.
"I had that head knock in the last minutes and went off the field and was in the sheds, pretty emotional. I was rattled.
"I don't think I've ever really cried in front of you boys, but I was in the sheds trying to hide it.
"In that moment it was kind of like, what am I doing? At what cost do you play footy for? I just had one of those moments."
The 2020 Clive Churchill Medal winner said there was a "fleeting" aspect to his emotions but he spoke to a mindset coach and in the ensuing weeks settled on the determination that "whatever happens I am having a year off".
"I didn't play the next week but within, I knew I was having a year off next year. One thing led to the next, we got to the grand final and then we lost," he said.
Part of him toyed with the idea if the Storm did lose he would go again and play in 2026.
After the grand final loss, however, he said "it didn't change my feeling of it at all."
"We had discussions (about) walking away from something quite lucrative and not going to have that security, but at what cost? My health is something I really prioritise," he said.
"I had to look within and if it's not serving its purpose anymore ... that was my big realisation."
Papenhuyzen has great depth to him as a man. In 2022 he spoke about his interest in Buddhist teachings, practising mindfulness and being grateful for everything in life. He kept a diary each day of his innermost thoughts.
"I know R360 ... was definitely in the talks and definitely something I was keen on but I think that incident in Brisbane in the last round was (telling me) everything happens for a reason. The universe puts you in situations," he said.
"It was ... 'you need to make this decision, be strong with it and stick with it'. So now I think I'm retired."
While the security of an NRL career was "hard to leave" he also asked himself a key question.
"But what else in life do I want to achieve? That was helping people," he said.
"In what capacity? I love psychology and I guess I love new experiences so what can I channel that into?
"I think I'm enjoying what I'm doing now and I'm going to give that my all."
