If you’re a US anglophile, all your wishes just came true. It has been announced that ITV and the BBC are teaming up to launch a Netflix-style streaming platform called BritBox. Offering shows such as Cold Feet, Silent Witness and Emmerdale to viewers 24 hours after they have aired in the UK, BritBox promises to be the most comprehensive British streaming service in the US.
Which is all well and good, but BritBox runs the risk of offering an artificially inflated view of British television. By offering only prestigious tentpole dramas and beloved soaps, it is likely that Americans will assume that is all we ever get shown over here. Clearly, that isn’t the case. In an ideal world, BritBox would offer our cousins across the Atlantic a complete overview of television in the UK. So please, BritBox, include these shows before it’s too late:
The Chase
Ostensibly a gameshow where members of the public try to outwit a super-intelligent expert, The Chase is really just an excuse for host Bradley Walsh to cross his eyes and puff out his cheeks whenever anyone says “knickers”. The perfect introduction to the British sense of humour.
Dickinson’s Real Deal
Do not adjust your set. Your contrast hasn’t suddenly broken. That’s actually the colour of David Dickinson’s skin. The presenter – a cross between Donald Trump and Dudley Moore’s character from Santa Claus: The Movie – basically goads people into selling all their prized possessions for short-term monetary gain. It’s like Antiques Roadshow if it was presented by a naughty goblin.
Watchdog
A perpetually joyless hour of television, where retired people from Nuneaton glumly point at broken kettles for 10 minutes, before a representative from the kettle company gives a series of evasive non-answers to an inexplicably furious presenter. If you ever want to know what it’s really like to be British, watch Watchdog.
Have I Got News for You
We’re fans of your razor-sharp political satire, so it’s time for us to return the favour. However, Have I Got News for You is a little lighter on meaningfully authored barbs, and a little bit heavier on middle-aged newspaper columnists chortling at four-day-old YouTube videos. Apart from that, completely the same.
Great British Railway Journeys
Between this and Dickinson’s Real Deal, you’re probably thinking that all British men suffer from a condition that makes their skin turn a luxurious shade of mahogany the moment they hit middle age. I promise that isn’t the case. However, this show is a valuable insight into the workings of our public transport infrastructure. The “Swindon to Bristol” episode is particularly gripping.
Jackpot 247
By far the most prestigious and beloved show on all of British television, Jackpot 247 is a nightly three-hour plunge into the dark heart of addiction. Two hosts, both of whom look as if they have just come in after a big night out, dryily narrate the terms and conditions of a betting website again and again to a soundtrack of thumping techno music, and that’s it. No spoilers, but the plot twist that happens halfway through season two will change the way you think about TV for ever.
Back to the Future
The film Back to the Future, playing on a neverending loop for ever, for any Americans who want to know what ITV2 is like.
