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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

Our terrible sex life is making me question our marriage

Good dad, bad husband
Good dad, bad husband. Composite: Guardian Design; Sharie Kennedy/Rafael Ben-Ari/Getty Images

My husband and I have been together for nine years, and have two kids. He’s a good man: he cares about us, cooks for us and takes the kids to school. But I don’t feel sexually satisfied. I was his first girlfriend, although I had a few sexual partners before him. He is clumsy in bed, and often foreplay involves a lot of awkward elbows digging into me or fingers poking me uncomfortably. His lack of confidence is really unappealing. I also feel like a nag because I have to remind him to do anything around the house. I am struggling to feel I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is there anything we can do to make our marriage better?

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