Dear Coleen
I have been with my wife for 14 years and married for nearly 10. I love her very much but, a couple of years ago, she suddenly said she didn’t like doing certain things during sex.
She will now only agree to have sex in the missionary position and all oral is a no go.
Recently, she’s put on weight, but won’t even contemplate losing it, even though she snores every night!
She still thinks everything is great, but I’m starting to resent her, as I have tried to bring these issues up many times.
I’m only 41, still a good-looking bloke (or so people say) and I feel rejected all the time.
I’m tempted to call it quits, which would kill me, as we have a young child who I adore. We’ve already been to counselling, which didn’t help.
Any ideas?
Coleen says...
I think she’s taking you and the relationship for granted, but it also sounds as if she’s given up on herself a bit.
I wonder where that’s come from and if you’ve asked her? Don’t let her fob you off – tell her exactly how you’re feeling and that you’re not ready at 41 to give up on everything.
Don’t issue any ultimatums, but in terms of sex, ask her to tell you what she does like. Every good relationship involves give and take – emotionally, sexually and practically.
Compromise is key. Perhaps if she knows how close you are to calling it quits, then she will start to listen.
I know it’s a hard decision to leave a relationship when you have a child.
But, if you do it right, putting their wellbeing first, there’s no reason why you can’t find a way to make it work and both continue to be good parents.
