Nothing says Halloween more than gathering in the dark to experience a carefully strategised branding opportunity. The latest product of an unholy synergy between Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes and toy makers Hasbro is a rudimentary horror in which bland everyteens are slain while communing with their late friend via the sinister Ouija (an item currently mass-produced by Hasbro Inc). While increasingly tired thousand-decibel prods counteract the lack of dynamism in watching kids spell with a polyurethane planchettes, matters become comically venal. “I don’t want to touch it,” shrieks one player. “C’mon – they’re sold in toy stores,” is the response. Everybody’s pocket money deserves better.
