'Other school mums have made me feel like an outcast since my divorce'

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 30s and recently divorced. I’m glad I’m on the other side of it and looking forward to making a fresh start.

I have two young ­children who still have a great relationship with their dad and things seem to have settled down into a good routine.

My problem is that since I’ve been separated from my ex, I’ve found that my friends have been treating me differently.

My ex and me were part of a group with other couples from our son’s school and I’m close with the mums, but they’ve stopped inviting me to events that involve bringing partners.

I feel really hurt by this and slightly paranoid. Why can’t I go on my own?

I don’t know if they see me as a threat to their relationships or if having a divorced woman around brings down the mood.

Or maybe they don’t want to take sides in our divorce?

However, I miss seeing everyone and I need my social life more than ever now. Do you have any ideas on what I should do about it?

Coleen has the answers (PA Archive/PA Images)

Coleen says

To be fair, I think it’s a tricky situation for them, too. They might be worried it’ll upset you if you’re the only single person among lots of couples.

It’s also difficult if they’ve been close to both you and your ex, and they might think they can’t invite one without the other, so it’s better not to invite either!

If you’re good friends, all you can do is have the conversation – tell them you miss them all, it doesn’t matter that you’re single and you still want to see them, even if you’re the only single person there.

Tell them not to feel awkward on your account because you don’t feel awkward. And you don’t have to talk to the whole group – confide in the friend you get on best with.

Unconsciously, maybe your female friends do see you as a threat, but I doubt they’d acknowledge that and admit to it. Equally, they might just not be thinking or assuming you wouldn’t want to go – a bit like when one friend has a baby and the others assume they’re too busy to join in.

Also, maybe look at this as a chance to make a fresh start with new friendships in other areas of your life.