Oscars: fashion on the red carpet

Oh Freida Freida Freida! What's there to like about your Galliano dress? Not a whole lot. It's a boring shade of blue covered in boring beads. Bah! We expected better Photograph: Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images

Heidi Klum appears wearing what we can only describe as a giant pink sculpturally folded napkin (by Roland Mouret). And some serious bling Photograph: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Miley Cyrus wore a rhinestone encrusted gown made out of granny's doilies and said neh neh ne neh neh to the recession Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Wow, SJP steals any attention away from husband Matthew Broderick in this flouncy number. It's Dior Haute Couture apparently Photograph: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

You may not recognise Taraji P Henson but she plays Brad Pitt's adoptive mother in Benjamin Button. We like what she's wearing: the simple ruffly affair is mighty attractive. We've also learned that she was unstarry enough to show viewers her Spanx. Fearne missed the boat on that one Photograph: Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

Anne Hathaway wore a fishtailed number covered in diamonds. She seems to be getting progressively paler with every award ceremony Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Beyonce Knowles gets her favourite-shaped dress (does she ever wear shift shapes? No) adjusted by some dogsbody or possibly her personal stylist with hair like that Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Mickey Rourke is not wearing a tie. From the buzz in the office at the moment that's a Really. Big. Deal. He also seems to have had some colour put in his hair. We like the cream coloured jacket - let's hope he steers clear of red wine though ... we just heard he's wearing a necklace with a photo of his dead chihuahua inside. He's certifiably insane Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Look!! Here it is in close up glory - the famed Loki, now deceased Photograph: Francis Specker/EMPICS Entertainment

Marisa Tomei looks fab in this fabric heavy big grey thing but we have no idea who it's by Photograph: Steve Granitz/Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Meryl's dress could have been worn in her film Doubt, being as it is almost nun-like in its total non-descriptness. Sophia Loren meanwhile, has gone all out in her golden frilled affair Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Is that a beanie? Photograph: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Literally the only interesting thing about Angelina's outfit is the green jewellery. This red carpet is sorely lacking in giltz so far Photograph: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Kate's dress is by Yves Saint Laurent. It's rather boring and although you can't see it in this picture, her hair looks strangely square and sculptural at the back. Put down the gel Kate! Photograph: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

The My Little Pony hair in all its glory Photograph: Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

Melissa Cobb is the producer of Kung Fu Panda. We don't necessarily care too much about that. What we do care about is her amazing panda handbag! Photograph: Jason Reed/Reuters

What is it with Tilda and nude shades? If her top was a different colour we might be in paroxysms of joy that something interesting has happened, but it's not and we're crying on the inside Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

We freely confess to hating Marion Cotillard. She always looks amazing. She could wear a bin bag and still look good. However this dress is kind of boring. Where's the mermaid outfit from last year? We'd have rather seen that Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images