Michael Sheen. For "Working with Ron Howard is like swimming with dolphins" Photograph: Steve Granitz/Getty
Mickey Rourke. For his necklace depicting dead dog Loki. Sean Penn may have been a worthy winner of the best actor Oscar, but his triumph deprived us all of a long, tearful speech including many swearwords and a whole lot of reminiscing about dead chihuahuas Photograph: Andrew Gomberta/EPA
Philippe Petit. Who promised it, with his "Yes!" but in the promising it added six words ... and then went on to add another 50 Photograph: Mark J Terrill/AP
Sarah Jessica Parker. And she almost didn't win it too, on account of her dress-front- holder-upper-helpers not always looking like they were planning on staying put Photograph: Stewart Cook/Rex Features
As the show went on, and the speeches overran, Hugh Jackman slipped out of view. Which is remarkable as he'd bounded onto the stage with such consummate showmanship, but silently ebbed away through the night. Leaving them wanting more is one thing, leaving them trying to remember who was presenting this thing is quite another Photograph: Michael Yadae/Press Association
Goes to Jack Nicholson, who was nowhere to be seen. You expect him to be there, in the front row, gurning. But no. No Jack Photograph: Mark J Terrill/AP
During Jennifer Anniston and Jack Black's presenting turn, the cheeky cameraman would keep flicking back to show Brad and Angelina. And Angelina. And some more Angelina. And did we see seething hatred? Triumphant husband-stealing glee? Rabid competitiveness? No. Angelina was laughing at the jokes and nodding at the prizes. Like everyone else. They must have been so disappointed Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty
Sean Penn. He called the Academy "commie, homo-loving sons of guns," and Kate Winslet told Meryl Streep to "suck on it". Admittedly, these were both a lot less funny in context than taken out of it, but still, phrases to cut out and use in Oscar montages from now on Photograph: Gary Hershorn/Reuters
Kate Winslet's dad. Heath Ledger's dad was also a strong contender for the prize - but it was Mr Winslet who responded with a loud whistle to her asking him to identify where he was in the auditorium; only to be found sporting a marvellous hat near the back Photograph: Gary Hershorn/Reuters
It's so rare one gets to give out a best leotard prize, but with so many leotards on display in musical numbers this year, it was easy. And easily taken by Beyonce, whose leotard had a modesty-guarding minge-fringe, as I believe it's technically known. A long beaded merkin serving as a beaded curtain guarding the gateway to her ladyhood Photograph: Michael Yadae/Press Association
"It's not easy being a nun," says Whoopi Goldberg. Good to know. Luckily, she's not a real nun. A real nun could never have got away with deflating a leopard-print hot air balloon and then wearing it Photograph: Kevin Winter/Getty
Hugh Jackman. Admittedly, he was the only host, but he would have won this one even if he wasn't Photograph: Darren Decker/EPA
The Kodak theatre, who seem to have hung them from the lights. Gigantic tassels. For, we can only imagine, really really big nipples Photograph: Gary Hershorn/Reuters
