Oscar red carpet pictures

George Clooney larking around in the manner we all know and love. With his rather nervous looking girlfriend in tow, wearing something in pastel which I do not like. Of course, having George Clooney on her arm, I think she’ll probably manage to live with my disapproval Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

Daniel Day-Lewis wearing a very strange tuxedo, rumoured to be by Gucci. Daniel, we know it's tough for guys to make an impression on the red carpet, but this is not the way. His wife, Rebecca Miller, appears to be wearing every piece of ornamention she possesses, all at the same time Photograph: Frazer Harrison/Getty

Helen Mirren looking - and sounding - more regal by the day. I don't dare say anything remotely rude about her frock for fear it would be declared treason Photograph: Stan Honda/AFP

I can't help feeling that with the pick of fashion's top designers at her fingertips, Cameron Diaz might have found a frock that actually fit. Ok, it's not as bad as Gwyneth Paltrow's infamous goth-fancy-dress number, but it's looking mighty uncomfortable. And mighty similar to what she wore last year, come to think of it. Make an effort please, Cameron Photograph: Frazer Harrison/Getty

A pregnant Jessica Alba in Marchesa - is she channelling J-Lo, who attended the Marchesa show in New York a few weeks ago, about three minutes before giving birth to twins? Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

Ellen Page looking very pretty but possibly a wee bit unadventurous. Then again, at least she won't be embarrassed about this in years to come Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

Rene Zellweger looks astonished to find she's wearing a glitzy frock Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

Either this is Javier Bardem, or we have accidentally put a picture of one of the red carpet bouncers in our gallery Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. Vanessa has borrowed Eva Green's goth look for the evening - black black black with bright red nails and lips. But Johnny is a shoo-in for the Best Facial Hair Oscar. Look at him, all endearingly shy and peering out from behind the fringe. Bless Photograph: Chris Pizzello/AP

I have to take off my sarcastic hat for Cate Blanchett who looks beautiful in regal purple. Great hair, great dress (though with a slightly dodgy print towards the bottom which we've cunningly cropped to avoid causing you distress) Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/AP

British actress Rosamund Pike is one of the few not wearing red or black - but I'm not convinced by pale yellow with pale English skin. It also has a strange piece that makes her rear view look enormous. I think she'll regret this in the morning Photograph: Ian West/PA

Julie Christie is the only woman in the entire Kodak Theater showing some leg. She rocks Photograph: Frazer Harrison/Getty

John Travolta introduces his wife to the only person he could find more orange than her dress, The Rock. This was clearly a poor effort to divert attention to this frankly astonishing hairline. Proof, if proof were needed, that Scientology does not work Photograph: Chris Carlson/AP

Another actress working the inky black full length trend - Penelope Cruz. It's not shaping up to be the most adventurous fashion Oscars Photograph: Ian West/PA

Laura Linney yet another classic, strapless, inky black colour frock. Are they actually trying to send us to sleep?

Now find the final verdict here Photograph: Ian West/AP