WINTER IS COMING
With Storm Angus currently battering the UK with torrential rain and high winds, The Fiver can’t think of anywhere it would rather spend a cold, wet, dark November Monday night listening to its own teeth chatter than the Premier League’s highest, most exposed football stadium. Luckily, we won’t have to because we live in a well-appointed yurt in that there cosmopolitan Big London, unlike the good people of West Bromwich, where actual tornadoes have been reported in recent days. Still, at least locals planning to brave the terrible weather, wrap up well and shuffle along to Mt Hawthorns (168m above sea level) to support their local football team against Burnley can at least console themselves with the prospect of a thrilling night’s football entertainment, eh? Eh? Oh.
In a match for which the phrase “nil nil written all over it” might well have been coined, the inclement weather is unlikely to add to the gaiety of the spectacle on a night that promises to be so miserable even James McClean might consider wearing a poppy on his jersey if he thought it would afford him that extra little bit of extra protection from the cold. What’s more, if the Baggies are to out-counter-attack their counter-attacking visitors in a match where there seems to be a genuine possibility the ball won’t actually leave the centre-circle, they will once again have to do so without Saido Berahino. Having just returned full of vim and vigour from a fitness camp in the south of France after being judged overweight and unfit in September, the striker has now announced that he is going back there in a statement that suggests he is currently in a dark place.
“This last year has been the most difficult of my career and it has left me short of the form and fitness required for the Premier League,” said Berahino, who has gone from 20-goal-a-season striker to punchline in under two years. “I have never been a player who lacked confidence or a belief in himself but that has been where I have found myself and it has hit me hard. It has left me feeling depressed and struggling for focus which has made it even more difficult to regain full fitness.”
While The Fiver hopes Berahino finds the answers to whatever it is he’s looking for across the Channel, we can’t help but feel that, for tonight at least, he’s dodged a bullet and it will be interesting to see how many of West Brom’s fans also decide to avoid a trip to the Hawthorns tonight by opting to stay home, turn on their TVs and watch something else. With their team’s match being broadcast live by Sky Sports, the alternative seems so much more appealing: stay home, turn on the TV and settle down to watch something else.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT!
Join Gerard Meagher for red-hot minute-by-minute coverage of West Brom 0-0 Burnley at 8pm GMT.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If they come, they come. We have many dogs at home” – Helsingborg boss Henrik Larsson reminds hooded fans who confronted his son on the pitch after the club’s relegation from the Swedish first division that they’ll get a friendly welcome if they come knocking at his front door.
FIVER LETTERS
“Can I be the first of the many heartwarming prison-based drama pedants to point out that Andy Dufresne is sanding a boat at the end of The Shawshank Redemption, not polishing it? Although given his reported living arrangements it’s easy to imagine Jose sat in his hotel room with only a poster of Rita Hayworth for company” – David Hopkins (and no others).
“Re: Rooney. A lot of fluff about nothing, really. Couldn’t help but be reminded of the time, (long ago, children), when Taxpayers FC were away at Blackpool, got beat there, very surprisingly, at the time. Out pops a news story to the effect that Bobby Moore had been out on the pop the night before the game!! Ooh, it was a proper scandal. Some West Ham fans were interviewed outside Upton Park; there were the predictable whingers, but then, out of the blue, a senior fan, (looked about 80), said that if he was Bobby Moore, and if he had to play with some of the players at the club … he’d have a few himself. He then beetled off, stage left: I’m sure you could hear the TV crew shoving fists in their mouths trying (unsuccessfully) to stifle the guffaws” – James Treacy.
“After Pep banned post-midnight shenanigans for his players, Alex Neil may want to stop his from reading The Joy of Six before games in case they get any more bright ideas” – Jim Hearson.
“Looking forward to seeing Gary Mantle’s letter in Monday’s Fiver” – Adam Roberts (and 1,056 others).
“May I be the last of 1,057 to point out that of the five teams Arsenal have dropped points against this season, four have names beginning with either an L (Liverpool, Leicester) or M (Middlesborough, Manchester United), the other team being Spurs. Of course, I considered this tidbit alone unworthy of T he Fiver Football Manager 17, and so investigated further and wouldn’t you know it, of the five players to score against them in these games, four have names starting with K (Kane), L (Lallana), or M (Mané, Mata), the other player being Coutinho. So there you go, Arsenal are definitely winning the league this season. Or not. Can I have Football Manager now?” – Joseph Scott.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is Jim Hearson, who receives a copy of Football Manager 2017 from those good people at Football Manager Towers, and it’s out now! We’ve got a few more copies to give away, so if you want one, keep the letters coming.
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BITS AND BOBS
Police are investigating alleged racial abuse towards Wycombe Wanderers’ Adebayo Akinfenwa. “It’s a shame that a small group of Cambridge fans focus on colour rather than the game,” he said.
Liverpool boss Jürgen Klopp accepts that teams are going to pull down the shutters when his tricky Reds are in town. “There is nothing to moan about, you can’t ask them: ‘Come on, give us a little more space or something?’ Before the season we had to work on this,” he Klopped.
David Moyes has been busy blowing smoke up Victor Anichebe’s tail. “Victor was like a young Didier Drogba,” parped Moyes. “He was immense [against Hull].”
José Mourinho reckons Paul Pogba is eventually finding his feet in the Manchester United midfield. “He is comfortable on the pitch. That is the best way of saying it,” soothed Mourinho.
And Jürgen Klinsmann’s USA! USA!! USA!!! side will definitely qualify for the World Cup despite a 4-0 rout in Costa Rica, says, erm Jürgen Klinsmann. “This team is always capable of reacting,” he bellowed. “We’ll correct this with the two games in March [against Honduras and Panama] and we’ll take one game at a time from there to get our points. I’m 1,000% sure we’ll qualify.”
STILL WANT MORE?
There’s plenty to mull over at Bayern Munich after defeat by Dortmund at the weekend, writes Raphael Honigstein.
Silvio Berlusconi offered-up a theatrical farewell, but is he really going to do one from the San Siro, ponders Paolo Bandini.
Here’s a thought, writes Gregg Bakowski, how the eff do footballers do what they do?
Ed Aarons has had a chin-wag with John Ruddy about Norwich City’s predicament and hard lines for Alex Neil.
Is Gustavo Viera heading to Anfield? More unfounded tittle-tattle right here in today’s Rumour Mill.
Might Robbie Keane and $tevie Mbe’s pending exits from USA! USA!! USA!!! spell the end for LA Galaxy’s Galácticos era?
What’s going on at Everton, Virgil van Dijk’s burgeoning price-tag and Nathan Aké’s touch of class. That and seven more talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
