It’s time to start a pedestrian-motorist war. Cyclists and car-drivers have been in a cold war for decades by now, we all know they hate each other on sight. The age of the e-bike has seen a well-documented uptick in cyclists vs pedestrians (seriously, is there anyone at The London Standard who hasn’t been knocked over by a speeding cyclist?).
Now is the time for we perennial pedestrians to start beef with cars. The disrespect has become too much. We must fight back.
The problem is zebra crossings. Remember your driving theory tests, car drivers? Those stripey lines on the road, flanked by flashing lights on poles, mean you’re meant to give way to people on foot. At minimum. They definitely don’t mean you should attempt to run people over. Please, let me die slowly from my asthma that is aggravated by your exhaust fumes instead.
Over the few years, using zebra crossings around London has become like running the gauntlet. Increasingly, people just sail right on through without a glance. Even more frightening, I’ll be mid-cross and a car that was a good distance away when I departed the curb will keep speeding towards me, only to screech to a halt mere feet from my kneecaps.
Have London drivers suddenly forgotten what a zebra crossing means? Does no one remember that pedestrians have right of way at these marked points (and junctions too, but that’s another matter). It’s enough to make me want to start jaywalking — it would probably be safer. This isn’t located to busy central London roads, but everywhere I go. Even genteel neighbourhoods like Crouch End. Do they think those stripes and flashy lights are just a nice decoration? If the Beatles tried to parade across Abbey Road today they’d probably get mown down by an oblivious motorist.
“If the Beatles tried to parade across Abbey Road today they’d probably get mown down by an oblivious motorist”
I, like all good pedestrians, keep up my end of the social contract. I clearly signal that I intend to cross at the crossing point, not darting haphazardly across at the last minute. I put my phone away. I look both ways and attempt to make eye contact with drivers. If - not when, alas - you stop, I raise my hand in the universal polite gesture of thanks when someone gives way to you on the road.
Because I am a driver, when I have to be. It took me four tries, but goddammit I passed. I flatter myself that I’m actually pretty decent at it, at least on country roads. London driving is a different and stressful beast, but you have to remain alert at all times. The results can be fatal. In 2024, 83-year-old Grigoria Yiannoullou tragically died after being hit by a car on a zebra crossing in Wood Green.
Being a pedestrian today feels like you’re invisible. Cyclists are just as bad; they seem to view zebra crossings as mere guidelines, even when they’re moving at speed with cars blocking their view. It’s not just me who has become temporarily see-through. Reddit discussion boards are full of pissed-off pedestrians wondering why the hell no one honours the Highway Code anymore.
I have a few theories why this might be happening. My partner is convinced there’s been a notable uptick since the pandemic. There has been a general weakening of the social contract, it’s true. All those depressing signs over the Tube, train stations and even Post Offices reminding us not to be abusive to staff. The scourge of people playing their music out loud on public transport.
Are drivers just too selfish these days to bother with adding a few seconds to their journey, even when it means breaking the law?
It’s not just the post-lockdown crackup, though. I wonder if the test centre crisis has a part to play. Massive DVSA backlogs for slots, combined with scalpers using bots to nab test slots to resell at inflated prices, means people are waiting months, if not years, to get a licence. We no longer have a fresh crop of recently tested drivers adhering carefully to the rules of the road. Perhaps older generations are simply getting sloppy, encouraging each other with bad behaviour.
“More often than not they simply speed away, to which I respond with a two-fingered salute”
But the major factor, I have deduced from my sample size of one, is distraction. It’s impossible to make eye contact with these drivers. They’re staring off into the middle distance or worse, fiddling with their phones. Also highly illegal, I might add. If you get caught failing to stop at a zebra crossing that’s being crossed it’s a £100 fine and three points on your licence, but clearly this is rarely if ever enforced.
I’m not shy about calling out these disengaged drivers. More often than not they simply speed away, to which I respond with a two-fingered salute. Impolite I know, but I believe in the power of a good old fashioned public shaming. Sometimes, though, they realise their error too late and look at me with an appalled, shocked expression. Like suddenly snapping out of a daydream and realising you’ve set the kitchen on fire.
I have some sympathy. We’re all somewhere on the spectrum between lightly frazzled and entirely burned out these days. It’s a very stressful time to be alive and trying to make a living in this city. We are all stretched terribly thin.
Driving, like being in an aeroplane, used to be a safe bubble of isolation where no emails could reach you. Now your messages flash up on those dratted onboard computer screens (that’s a ranty column for another time, but I don’t understand why anyone wants a newfangled car that will eventually become an expensive brick once the software stops getting updates pushed).
People, no matter their preferred mode of transport, are increasingly fatigued by the attention economy. All those push notifications, advertisements, sponcon, AI slopfests - the sirens of doomscrolling our dashing our brain cells against the rocks. But if you’re behind a metal death machine, you should strive to remain alert to your fellow humans - even if they are merely ambulatory.
So if you find yourself so distracted while driving in London you fail to notice the street furniture, perhaps it’s time to take a break. Go for a walk instead — I find it really focuses the mind.
