April 10--As expected, Hillary Clinton will formally announce on Sunday her plan to "guarantee Fox News another eight years of excellent ratings."
Or, as some people call it, "run for president."
While it's possible another Democrat will rise up and challenge Clinton in the primaries, most consider the former secretary of state's nomination a lock. And that means we, the people, will be locked into bifurcated coverage of the former First Lady that looks something like this:
MSNBC: Hillary Clinton! (smiley face emoticon)
Fox News: Hillary Clinton. (frowny face emoticon)
(The folks at CNN will be focusing more on the planes the various candidates use.)
This is, already, a drag.
The problem with a high-profile candidate like Clinton is that virtually everyone already has an opinion of her. Some Democrats love her. Other Democrats don't think she's liberal enough, but know in the back of their minds that she's the best they're going to get. And Republicans, as a requirement for membership, dislike and distrust her, suspect she is responsible for murdering at least 27 people and fear that if they look her in the eyes they'll turn to kale.
A good gauge of the coming coverage is comparing headlines today on The Huffington Post and the Drudge Report.
The Huffington Post, above a big photo of Hillary smiling, reads: "Ready For Sunday?"
Drudge has the more ominous-sounding "Hillary. Sunday. Noon." followed three headlines below by "60 million menopausal women in USA by 2020..." We get it, Drudge. We get it.
And once Clinton's campaign starts up, we'll be getting all manner of adoring profiles of the candidate who could become our first female president along with conspiracy-laced tales of why she shouldn't hold office.
It's going to be a long campaign, folks.
So I suggest we entertain ourselves by playing "Spin the Hillary." I don't mean actually spinning the candidate herself, of course, but rather guessing how supporters and critics will put positive or negative spins on every move Clinton makes.
Take the Sunday announcement. The date is April 12. If you're a Clinton fan, you might find that date significant because on April 12, 1896, Stamasia Portrisi became the first woman to win a marathon. The campaign will be a marathon, so naturally Clinton picked this date as a subtle historical nod toward women who have broken barriers.
If you're a Clinton detractor, you might note the fact that on April 12, 1861, Confederate forces fired on Union troops in Fort Sumter, marking the start of the Civil War. That's not so subtle. But it's in keeping with Spin the Hillary rules.
See which hidden optics you can spot as the campaign moves along, and then build your own heroic narrative/conspiracy theory. Trust me, it'll be entertaining.
And a lot less ridiculous than the actual coverage of the campaign.
rhuppke@tribpub.com
