April 27--If there's one thing we should all be furious about it's outrage.
For many in today's hyper-vocal, everybody-gets-a-chance-to-yell society, outrage has become reflexive, an emotion some check off like it's part of their daily to-do list: take doughnuts to work, attend 9 a.m. status meeting, decide what to be outraged about, write angry Facebook post in all-caps, meet Phil and Janet at Chipotle ...
The anger comes in a furious burst, soon to be supplanted by a new affront to society that must be blogged, tweeted or otherwise opined into submission.
I assume there has always been a segment of humanity prone to perpetual outrage. But with social media and the Internet in general making it effortless to voice anger, the roar of outrage has grown so loud that everyone winds up hearing it, reading it or watching it unfold on television.
Earlier this year, Emma Teitel, a columnist for Maclean's Magazine in Canada, modified the term slacktivism -- a mash-up of slacker and activism meant to mock those who tweet-protest issues from the comfort of their sofas -- and coined the term "sloutrage." She described it as a behavior "exhibited by people who are perfectly content to scream at the top of their lungs into a virtual room of millions, but cower at the mere thought of face-to-face confrontation."
Sloutrage abounds. This week there will be much shouting and screaming about: the U.S. Supreme Court hearing arguments in a same-sex marriage case; the NFL draft; Hillary Clinton and the financial dealings of her family's philanthropic foundation; anything President Barack Obama does, including blinking too fast; some Republican saying something that makes MSNBC's Rachel Maddow mad; and probably a Twitter hashtag of some sort.
Just over the weekend there was mass outrage on Twitter over the hashtag #FeministsAreUgly. Many immediately assumed some miserable misogynist was responsible, which, knowing Twitter, was a reasonable assumption. Anger flared, but in reality the hashtag was created last year by a self-proclaimed "Persian punk feminist activist" using it satirically.
No matter. Facts are irrelevant. People feed on outrage, and that hunger must be sated.
The problem is that the few who possess the energy to exist in a state of constant upset won't listen to the many who wish they would pipe down a bit.
You could present outrage enthusiasts with this quote from Aristotle: "Anybody can become angry -- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."
Their response would be: "Shut up, Aristotle. That's a very dumb thing to say. YOUR AN IDIOT!! #AristotleSucks"
So the question is this: Can the people of Reasonableopia ever defeat the small but fierce warriors of Outrageistan?
The answer is yes, but only if Reasonableopians turn the tables and out-outrage the outraged.
It's like this: If everyone is angry, anger will become so boring it will cease to exist. The only way to stop it is to embrace it fully.
Unfortunately, most reasonable people aren't equipped to be outraged. That's why I'm prepared to offer myself up -- free of charge -- as an Outrage Proxy.
As a columnist, I'm on the receiving end of considerable outrage. I could write about kittens being adorable and someone -- likely a dog owner, or possibly a representative of the American Ferret Association -- would rant angrily about my despicable pet bias.
I've learned from the best and, of course, I get outraged myself from time to time. A certain level of righteous indignation comes with the job.
So for those of you who can't muster outrage, let me do it for you. I placed a Craigslist ad on Monday to get the ball rolling. It reads:
"I'm offering my skills as a student of spontaneous anger to anyone incapable of day-to-day outrage. I will select hot-button issues for you to be angry about and then compose tweets and Facebook posts that reflect your unhinged displeasure over those issues. I will also deliver timely Phrases to be Grumbled Aloud (PGAs) for use at work, in social settings or around the family dinner table. Sample PGAs include: 'Gotta love this Obummer economy, right?!?!'; 'You know who wants Hillary to be president? THE MEDIA!!'; and 'DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE DIE FROM GLUTEN EACH DAY?!?!?'
"I offer these services free of charge, for the betterment of society. Serious inquiries only."
I hope this benevolent act encourages others to volunteer their outrage services. Together, we can put all Americans on equal anger footing and shout and scream and holler until the country reaches Maximum Indignation.
Only then will all the yelling seem passe. We'll be outraged by outrage and ready, perhaps, to just be happy.
How outrageous does that sound?
rhuppke@tribpub.com
