Labour and Reform are hypnotised by Zack Polanski’s history with breasts. They simply can’t remember his eyes are up there. From the moment the 42-year-old was announced as the leader of the Green party, they’ve had a one-track line of attack: reminding everyone that Polanski once attempted to assist a woman enlarge her breast with the power of thought.
It didn’t take Peter Mandelson levels of political dark arts to dredge up this scandalous titbit about tits from Polanski’s pre-political past. It’s right there on the Sun’s website for all and sundry to google. In 2013 the newspaper’s Fabulous magazine, clearly trawling for salacious headlines, had one of its ‘Sun girls’ approach Polanski, then a hypnotherapist, and asked him if she could boost her cup size with the power of thought alone. He gamely went along with it in the name of helping her feel more comfortable with her postpartum body, free of charge. The mag got to put “tit-notised” in the kicker, and Polanski has been apologising for it ever since.
His crime? Remaining professional while being bated and volunteering his time and skills to help a woman feel at ease with her body. And his client claimed she did, in fact, get bigger boobs out of the session (mainly because she ate more and felt more at peace with her body, but still). It’s hardly up there with the noxious cloud of dodgy financial dealings that currently hangs over many denizens of Parliament, regardless of their party affiliation.
Nevertheless, Labour have been posting about it online from the moment Polanski got elected. There wasn’t even a collegial congratulations before they brought out the big jugs. Reform joined in at BBC Question Time, when Zia Yusuf, head of Reform’s Department of Government Efficiency claimed (inaccurately) that Polanski “literally made money by charging women on the promise that he could literally enlarge the size of their breasts by hypnotising them”.
Meet Zack Polanski.
— Labour Press (@labourpress) September 2, 2025
This is the person who the Greens just elected as their new leader.https://t.co/oMIC3Zwgch pic.twitter.com/xWk0ONQi3k
But mud from this smear campaign isn’t really sticking. This is Great Britain, the land of cleavage appreciation. Where everyone loves to phwoar over a nice pair as a point of national pride. Frankly, Polanski could lean into it and claim he can enlarge breasts with his hypnosis skills. Go door knocking for bigger knockers. Forget kissing babies, adult voters would be lining up to look into his eyes, deep into his eyes. Imagine a pretender to the throne performing busty wench miracles in the 1400s — he’d be coronated in no time. A Prime Minister who could boost cup sizes would boost the national mood and inspire more patriotism than the current competitive flag loving.
Polanski’s political opponents seem to hold out a vague hope that feminists would take up the cause and denounce Polanski. Nice try, boys. But the days of women wasting their time on internecine in-fighting over the existence of Page Three Girls are long gone. And as Polanski clarified, he only agreed to the sessions as an experiment to try and help a woman make peace with her body image. Plus, he’s not into women so there was zero lecherousness involved, however seedy Keir Starmer and Nigel Farage’s minions try to make the situation out to be.
Mud from this smear campaign isn’t really sticking. This is Great Britain, the land of cleavage appreciation
That’s part of the Polanski problem for his detractors: there’s so little dirt on him for them to truffle around in. He’s a Mancunian (points for being northern, therefore trustworthy and free of unkind associations about pampered southern politicians), Jewish (so best placed to comment on the crisis of rising antisemitism where gentile politicians dangerously conflate his religion with Zionism), gay (diversity win — plus his partner is cute and works in palliative care), vegan (sigh all you like, but as an environmentalist he walks the walk), and doesn’t fly out of respect for the environment (while reminding us carbon footprints were cooked up by polluting corporations to push shame onto the individual).
It’s a dim attack line, and Polanski refuses to be cowed. He’s part of a new generation of millennial politicians that are comfortable with verbal and online comebacks, facing the claim head before quickly segueing into rapid-fire recitation of Green policies and positions. There’s no prevaricating around an issue out of fear of getting a quote clipped without context. His supporters have followed suit, laughing off the boob thing as obviously ridiculous.
Clearly, it’s not Polanski’s tawdry-by-association past brush with inflating assets that’s put the wind up Labour and Reform (and probably the Conservatives too, but they’re no longer a going concern in the polls so nobody is paying them much attention). It’s Polanski’s ability to swell the numbers of his party in mere weeks that’s the real headline.
Polanski’s wealth tax sounds delicious to socialists, but will go down like a cup of cold sick with the fiscally conservative
The Green party now has 100,000 members for the first time in its history, up 45 per cent since the deputy was elected leader. That’s almost the same numbers as the Tory party. Meanwhile Labour, although still the biggest party in the country, has haemorrhaged membership since winning the general election. Reform is booming, but Polanski has Nigel Farage’s outfit firmly in his sights. He’s made the Greens the only UK party to denounce Reform’s anti-immigrant stance rather than fall in line.
It’s not migration that beleaguers Great Britain by sucking up public service funding, Polanski posits, but the lack of investment in our national infrastructure after a decade plus of austerity. His message is one of a rising tide of investment in schools and public transport to lift all boats, not fretting over small boats. He’s called Farage and Yusuf “fascists” and says he’d happily do it again. Starmer, meanwhile, can only drone on about decorating his home in Union Jacks.
What’s baffling is that there is, in fact, a wide open goal for the Green’s opposition to aim for: their economic plan.
Polanski is loudly calling for a wealth tax on the UK’s richest 1 per cent to fund a re-boot of Britain’s infrastructure. It sounds delicious to socialists, but will go down like a cup of cold sick with the fiscally conservative if the Greens take office. Remember the howling from the millionaires that they’d leave London when Labour got in? That turned out to be a bit of a ruse, but the fear is there and that’s enough to move markets. If the wealthiest flee for balmier tax climes — or simply learn to hide their money better — then the whole plan to fund schools and public transport will deflate faster than a ruptured breast implant. Being anti-business has always been political anathema, and with good reason.
“Avoiding the topic suggests the looming Autumn Budget will have some nasty tax surprises in store, courtesy of Rachel Reeves”
The problem is, while it sounds simple when squashed down to a campaign trail soundbite, no one has successfully managed a serious wealth tax yet. Spain has introduced its Temporary Solidarity Tax for High Net Worth Individuals and only a handful of the millionaires and billionaires packed their bags. It’s placated voters by making the system feel fairer. But its £3bn revenue pales in comparison to the £130bn raised annually via income tax. It’s a nice-to-have, not a silver bullet for government funding, then.
If Labour are really stuck on the boobs thing, they could incorporate it into their messaging: ‘Zack Polanski boosted your breast assets, now he wants to seize your assets’. Or: ‘Greens will boost your cup size but collapse our economy’. Perhaps: ‘He’s a DD for bras but an F in his financial plan’. Look, I’m no spin doctor, but at this point ignoring the serious conversations about the economy in favour of honking about honkers makes Starmer et al seem suspicious. It suggests the looming Autumn Budget will have some nasty tax surprises in store, courtesy of Rachel Reeves.
Talking about taxation is less fun than braying about boobies, but our politicians owe us a serious conversation on this one.
India Block is a columnist for The London Standard
