LAS VEGAS _ Mynda Smith's sleep was restless. Normally, she would have had a protein shake for breakfast, but Monday, all she could do was sip water.
A year ago her sister was killed. Neysa Tonks, 46, was one of the 58 gunned down at the Route 91 Harvest country music festival on the Las Vegas Strip _ the deadliest mass shooting in modern American history. The tragedy was so big and so public, but within Tonks' family, the loss was private and constant.
It was still dark when Smith drove to the Clark County Government Center Amphitheater from her Las Vegas home early Monday. A large crowd would be there for the sunrise remembrance for those killed and wounded a year ago Oct. 1 _ for many, another step in the healing process.
Smith, 43, had her Vegas Strong T-shirt on. She wore the necklace with her sister's fingerprint on it, which she touched for strength. She stood at the podium, thankful there were tissues placed there. Her voice cracked.
"I look out and see so many who have been through so much," Smith said. "I am truly grateful to be standing here with so much love in my heart."
In the crowd, Mary Rivera, whose 21-year-old daughter Jordyn Rivera, was killed in the shooting, teared up. So did Mary Jo Von Tillow, whose husband was also killed by the gunfire. Family members of Brian Fraser, also killed, put their arms around each other _ most wearing black T-shirts with angel wings on them along with the words, "Tomorrow is not promised, live every day with intent."
Throughout the year, Las Vegas has been honoring those who died. There have been concerts, fundraisers and the Clark County Museum worked on a display that features items left by mourners at the city's famed Welcome to Las Vegas sign.
Within that year, the Vegas Golden Knights retired the No. 58 to commemorate those who died. Portraits of all 58 victims are on display at the County Government Center. And it is nearly impossible to drive around the city without seeing #VegasStrong bumper stickers, billboards or T-shirts.
But Monday, the 24-hour city of glitz and gambling was subdued. Different. In downtown Las Vegas, a prayer vigil began at 11:30 a.m. and come nighttime _ near the time the shooting began last year _ the marquees along the Strip will darken as a tribute.
During the morning service attended by a few hundred, Gov. Brian Sandoval said that even though it's been a year since the shooting, the pain has never fully lifted.
"Today, we remember the unforgettable," Sandoval said. "Today, we comfort the inconsolable. Today we gather in mind and body and we never left each other in spirit and heart."
A line of uniformed police officers, firefighters and members of a multiagency honor guard stood rigidly as the speakers spoke of courage, sadness and resiliency. On balconies overlooking the amphitheater, government workers who arrived before their shifts watched quietly.
Clark County Sheriff Joe Lombardo said he knew when he woke up Monday that the day would not feel normal. Yes, he said, they still had a job to do _ crime doesn't stop for anniversary events, he noted _ but Lombardo said he and his deputies would also be attending other memorial services throughout the city.
"We want to move forward, but sometimes we lose sight of that reflection," Lombardo said after the ceremony. "I think it was important for me to be grounded this morning and remember what had occurred."
Smith said in the first weeks after the attack, the sense of loss was so overwhelming that it was sometimes even hard to remember to breathe.
She told her story of waiting to find out about Tonks' fate the day after the shooting. She said she realized she and her family weren't alone after seeing other people at the Family Assistance Center waiting to hear the same terrible news. She recalled the outpouring of generosity. She said the scope of the tragedy was revealed when she saw the long lines of people waiting to donate blood.
The past year, she said, had allowed her to turn her "anger into passion" and support children who lost parents in the shooting by establishing a scholarship fund.
Still, Smith said, there is much work to do. People are still being treated for injuries. Families are still mourning losses. Depression haunts survivors.
"I can't say we haven't had our fair share of sucker punches," Smith said. "We will continue to have obstacles we will have to tackle. For me, I know Neysa would have taken them head-on with strength and confidence to conquer it all and that's what I'm choosing to do _ hold my head high and use her determination and strength when I feel mine is weakened."
The 45-minute remembrance was capped with bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace" and a choir from the Las Vegas Academy of the Arts sang "America the Beautiful."
Smith also led the crowd in 58 seconds of silence. Through it, some sobbed. Then 58 doves were released. People wiped away tears. A few huddled, arms wrapped around each other, as the birds circled in the early morning sky.
Von Tillow said she was moved by the music and that her husband, Kurt, had a special fondness for patriotic songs.
"He would have loved all of this," she said, her voice wavering. Waving her hand, she added: "All of it."
