Name: The Queen’s top 10.
Duration: About 36 minutes.
Appearance: Not exactly banging.
What’s all this? The short answer: a programme will be broadcast on Radio 2 this Saturday that will play the Queen’s favourite songs of all time.
What a wonderful way to commemorate her 90th birthday. Well now, don’t speak too soon about that.
Why? Why do you think? Because the Queen has got horrible taste in music, that’s why.
Can you be sure of that? I can. Apparently – get this – her favourite song is Oklahoma! from the musical Oklahoma!, followed by Anything You Can Do from Annie Get Your Gun.
Nothing wrong with those. They’re classics. Well, I thought they were a bit Elaine Paige on Sunday, but whatever floats your boat. It gets worse, though. She also likes Leaning on a Lamp-post by George Formby.
Of course she does. She likes the music that was popular in her youth, just like everyone else in the world. I suppose that does make a small amount of sense. But, hey, get a load of this: she loves The White Cliffs of Dover by Vera Lynn. What a crap song!
The woman lived during the second world war! The song probably reminds her of the unified national spirit during its darkest hour. I didn’t think of that. She loves Praise, My Soul, The King of Heaven and The Lord is my Shepherd, though. Bit bloody religious if you ask me.
She’s the head of the Church of England. She’s allowed to be religious. You’re making it really difficult for me to make fun of this, you know. There’s a regimental march in her top 10. What is she, some kind of warmonger?
For crying out loud, the woman is the commander-in-chief of the British armed forces. Right. OK. Sorry.
Is that all you’ve got? You’re berating a 90-year-old woman for liking music that both reflects her interests as a youngster and her duties as an adult? What’s wrong with you? Well, there is one more song.
What is it? Sing, by Gary Barlow.
Gary Barlow? Overthrow the monarchy. See? SEE?
Do say: “God, Gary Barlow’s going to be insufferable now.”
Don’t say: “Wot, no Megadeth?”
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