These new dental items are, we presume, specifically designed around the intricacies of the One Direction brand, and are not in any way just some regular toothpaste and brushes decked out in pink with pictures of Harry Styles’s gurning mug plastered all over them. Photograph: PR
People often mock Keane for their lack of gonzo rock’n’roll thrills, but then these are clearly people who’ve never baked a Victoria sponge while wearing nothing but the Official Keane Baking Apron, featuring handwritten lyrics by Tim Rice-Oxley. £20 from shop.keanemusic.com Photograph: PR
Recently spotted in the “reduced-to-clear” section of a Superdrug, suggesting that the band’s well-intentioned safe sex message hasn’t got through to the kids. Either that or most guys decided that wrapping something called Marvin around their members wasn’t exactly conducive to the act. Photograph: Katherine Rose
We’ve all had the moment where it’s Christmas Eve and you’ve forgotten to get your aunt Ethel a suitable gift. She’ll love the attention to detail here, especially as each dildo is modelled on each member of Rammstein’s very own penis. Photograph: PR
Because who doesn’t look at Frank Black and think: “Now there’s a fitness freak I can trust”? Actually, the branding isn’t entirely incompatible – guitarist Joey Santiago once cycled across the US. Photograph: PR
As @20thcenturymarc pointed out on Twitter, here is a man who knows his demographic. Other Cliff items include slippers, hairnets and fully operational stairlifts. Possibly. £2.50 on donkeyrides.co.uk Photograph: PR
The Brighton band are quite the connoisseurs of branded products – Zeus Lager, for instance, or BSP Clotted Cream Fudge. So why not treat your hair to some “sweet orange and cedar wood” scented hair product which apparently “doubles as a wonderful lip balm”? Amazingly, the answer to this question is no because it has sold out. £5, but currently unavailable. Photograph: PR
Peter Andre was on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here so he clearly knows a thing or two about things people don’t really want to put in their mouths … but he has outdone himself here. Photograph: PR
Owl City fans are almost certainly virgins, so what better way to ensure they stay that way than buying them this ridiculously twee bedroom outfit? Photograph: PR
Nothing helps that high-octane rock slip down quite like a nice glass of branded Shiraz. Note to budding sommeliers: reviewers on Laithwaites rate the “Back In Black” Shiraz far higher than the “Hells Bells” Sauvignon Blanc. Photograph: AFP/Getty Images
