Our first No 10 Valentine’s!!!! All ready with Dil’s novelty jacket (tweeted, 25,000 likes and only one animal rights whinge - “Dilyn is not your accessory” - a little woof says he loves it!), and Stanley in voluntary self-isolation.
The fuss he made! “Entre nous, old thing, the Chinese ambassador assured me that Johnson blood confers complete immunity, if anything you’re the one who should self-whatsit, like a good girl, while I brief my son the PM on my latest undercover mission.”
Me: “So tell me.”
Stanley: “What! Disclose that I am secretly I/C Cop26, what with Goldsmith being too thick? Never.”
Me: “No need. I’ve asked David Ross. Super conservation work in the Caribbean, nothing he doesn’t know about aviation emissions? Listen, I hate being the one to tell you, Stanley, but the virus is super deadly to almost-octogenarians and red trousers offer no protection. If it helps I’ve already quarantined poor Dom, he’s not well, so now if you’ll forgive me, I’ve got my reshuffle – aargh! You escaped!”
Dom: “Even your boyfriend knows how to unlock a fucking door.”
Me (picking up a vase of roses): “Stand back.”
Dom: “Sent them to yourself, did you? Spare me the waterworks, you’ll need them when I fire you… ”
Me: “Says the person I’ve overruled on HS2 and Huawei and Saj.”
Dom: “Really? I’ll ask PJ Masks. Kids, do we (whispery voice) know a Saj?”
Me: “No! Bozzie promised! He wouldn’t!” Just taking aim when Stanley blocks the view. “Dom old boy, genius as per, and here’s young Carrie, too, with her flowers! Marvellous - you wouldn’t by any chance be in possession of some fig rolls?”
We’ll be needing some new vases.
As told to Catherine Bennett
