“We are live on Channel 4 and it feels so good to be here!” yelled Emma Willis in front of a live studio audience. Flashback to Davina on Big Brother circa 2000. I assume contestants are still not allowed to swear.
The Circle returned this week - the stand-out reality contest from last year but now with Willis for extra cool TV points.
In essence, it’s social media in action on the telly. It’s Big Brother for the modern age - instead of living together in a house, the contestants sit alone in separate apartments glued to social media. Just like real life. What a depressing thought.
Set to give us a reason for existence at 10pm most nights for nearly a month, we will watch strangers communicate through a voice-activated platform called The Circle.
Yes, voice activated. Which means lots of excruciating emoji descriptions. “Open message, how are you this morning babe? Winky face, double heart emoji, crying with laughter face, end message.” By next week, we’ll all be talking like that and hating ourselves for it.
Players can be whoever they want to be on their Circle profiles - last year’s winner Alex pretended to be a woman called Kate for the entire show.
“What does it take to be a successful catfish?” Emma quizzed Alex. Preparation and confidence, he said. Should we really be glamorising this?
At this point I’m as horrified as I am fascinated, and yet… I am still watching.
The players, all vying to win £100,000, only have to be the most popular. That’s it. No song and dance, no baking a cake, no human interaction, straight down to business.
They are a mixed bag. Among them, professor, ex-monk and Robin Williams look alike Tim; Katie, pretending to be her son Jay; James, pretending to be a single mum; and Woody, son of famous folks Zoe Ball and Norman Cook.
Emma announced the first “cruel twist, shock face emoji” - the players had to rate each other on first impressions.
“We have to rate them before we even talk to them!?” wailed model Emelle, astonished. Imagine that. Judging people on social media without knowing them. Nah, never heard such nonsense.
Poor Emelle was blocked within about 24 hours. Brutal. This viewing is good for ratings but it’s not good for the soul, and yet I still seem to be watching.
In other news, the nation’s favourite embarrassing uncle Richard Madeley entered to “stir things up a bit” as a 27-year-old called Judy.
I don’t think there’s any TV show that wouldn’t be enhanced by Madeley, so this is good news (despite the guitar).
But with plenty of opportunity for players to feel paranoid, this addictive goldfish bowl show filled with fake news feels like everything that’s wrong with society.
Should we all stop watching or is it just a bit of fun? Upside-down confused emoji, thinking face, end message.
