The Polo GTi, a 1.8-litre engine, 190bhp – it’s as poky as a Scotch bonnet, and as ready to go as a man in a pub whose eighth pint you’ve just spilled. It comes as a surprise to your fellow road user, who might mistake you for a regular Polo driver. But a regular Polo can’t pull you out of bed, while this can get you from zero to 62 in 6.7 seconds. It is somewhat ridiculous – the fabric on the seats looks like the kind of tartan a low-level conman might wear after he’d got married and his wife had told him to tone it down a bit – but it is extremely fun.
You can choose between manual and automatic. I had the six-speed manual: the efficiency is not as good. It’s in the same band as the automatic, but 10 extra g/km will be significant for some. But it is a droll little drive, more like a delinquent companion than a car. It’s about as small as it could be, and pulls off like a rocket. Motorway driving is a blast: even in 6th, you get lots of torque. “Nobody’s more surprised about this than I am,” said my face as I hurtled up the rear carriages of the other motorists.
It has an ESC sport setting borrowed from the Golf, whereby you can turn off the traction control and swoosh all over the place. I prefer it with traction control, frankly – the sports setting is for track driving and maniacs. But people who like this kind of thing will be thrilled that they can do this kind of thing. Then I realised with a start who this car is actually for: it is the perfect sweet spot between the 19-year-old cooking up ways to injure themselves, and the parent buying the car, dreaming up obstacles to those injuries.
A huge amount of thought has gone into the sporty effect; the handling is pin-sharp, partly thanks to the XDS Plus system (another Golf steal, it compensates for understeer); every unnecessary kilo has been trimmed; every trim has been super-trimmed. But the safety consideration is surprisingly prominent; VW is proud of its automatic post-collision braking system, which, as the name suggests, brakes as soon as the car is involved in an accident, reducing kinetic energy and consequently the chances of another smash, which is apparently where a lot of injuries come from.
Downsides are that there isn’t much space, particularly in the boot. They talk a good game about the Isofix safety feature for kids, but I preferred the drive as a child-free zone. Look, you have to want to drop 20 grand on your own amusement. That is some hurdle. But once you’ve cleared it, the amusement will surely follow.
VW Polo GTi: in numbers
Price £19,530
Top speed 146mph
Acceleration 0-62 mph in 6.7 seconds
CO2 emissions 139g/km
Combined fuel consumption 47.1mpg
Eco rating 7/10
Cool rating 7/10
