I thought for ages it was called the Seat Abraham and pictured myself as a Biblical patriarch – “Another six sons? No problem. Not much room in the boot, mind” – before someone pointed out that nobody names a car after anyone religious and it was an Alhambra. Without my six sons (seven in all, of course), I found it really annoying; I don’t want to say it’s the only good thing, but certainly the best thing about it is that it has seven seats.
This car feels as if it has been designed for the passengers: spacious, lots of headroom. The younger passenger may enjoy climbing from one seat to another while you’re driving, in defiance of safety laws. This is hypothetical; nobody I know did this. Automatic sliding doors are when you know you’ve reached the summit of respectability, the kind of touch you might have a prejudice against before you’ve realised how useful it is.
It’s as if they enjoyed cooking up ways to get the weight up to 1,755kg: the dash was so broad I couldn’t reach the front of it to sweep out litter; neighbours laughed at me trying to reach the steering wheel. Everything is a reach, so the driving position is more of a launching point than an actual posture. But if I felt as if I were trying too hard, that’s nothing on how hard the car was trying.
A two-litre diesel with turbo-charged direct injection would not ordinarily feel sluggish, even at this weight, but the accent on economy in the Ecomotive version has pushed little things such as acceleration to the bottom of the priorities. Moving between the six gears is a little slow and grindy. The nose, maintaining the angular headlamp clusters and sporty touches from Seat’s sportier models, is out of keeping with the hulking back, so it feels like two different cars.
However, you know where you are once you’re inside, and there are plenty of things that are good to know. The fuel economy is great for its size, and the car itself was pretty thrifty to start with. The size allows for a gigantic windscreen, and the sunroof makes for a bright drive. If it’s not exactly fun to drive, it’s as dependable as a labrador, unruffled and stable. The brakes never gave me pause and the parking assistance saved my life, or at least my laughing neighbours’ bumpers. I can’t think of many people except for Abraham who’d sacrifice nippiness and thrill for so much space. But it’s a great big, thrifty car and, if those are your two criteria, thrill is probably the last thing you’re after.
Séat Alhambra: in numbers
Price £30,645
Top speed 126mph
Acceleration 0-62 mph in 10.2 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 55.4mpg
CO2 emissions 132g/km
Cool rating 4/10
Eco rating 7/10
