Nissan has been going through a phase of making cars that look like their internal organs are on the outside of their bodies (chief among them, the marvellously ugly Juke, which once you notice, you become fascinated by, like ugly babies). In the Pulsar, they bring us a car that looks like a car: they are obviously a bit embarrassed by that, which is why they gave me a red one (they think we’re like bulls, and you hold our attention by waving a red thing at us: which in my case is broadly true).
The look suited me fine: I prefer a hatchback to be sensibly close to the ground. The way they endlessly try to raise themselves above one another is vulgar. It has all kinds of nice finishes, from the classy textures on the ledge above the exhaust, to the alloy wheels, to the elegant fonts on all the displays. The boot looks large and is even larger, as I learned when I swapped cars while away and had to leave the dog in Kent (joking! I went back for him).
It’s not the most fun I’ve ever had in a car: the seats may be heated leather, but the driving posture is a bit upright and uninviting, like sitting on the Paris Metro. The 1.6-litre petrol engine was smart and credible in a town. You could nip in and out of lanes, parking spaces, other people’s drives that expressly said “no turning”. Plus, 7.7 seconds from 0-62mph is pokier than you’d expect, and sometimes, tricks you into zooming and tearing about, when all you had meant to do was mosey. On an A-road, its limitations were more obvious, though never howling; it has good grip but not the most responsive steering, smooth cruising, but not the most enthusiastic acceleration in the top gears. The handling is a bit creaky and stiff, like a person who leans because they have a bad back and don’t want to reach; that makes it sound worse than it is. Think of a person with only a slightly bad back.
It has a top speed of 135mph, so it’s not that safety-first, though a lot of the jazzing up has been with a safety motive. The safety features – lane-departure sensor, blind spot detector, rear-end collision auto-braking, run the full gamut of preventative imagination, from “driver who’s not really concentrating” to “driver who is playing Candy Crush and on drugs”. The newest feature is moving-object detection, for the awful event in which you miss a child or a dog. Didn’t use it; can’t vouch for its efficacy; even if I had used it, wouldn’t admit it.
I never felt that I became part of the car, or that it was an extension of me. But I would admit it happily as a member of the family, which is roughly 80% of what a family hatchback hopes for.
Nissan Pulsar: in numbers
Price £22,345
Top speed 135mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 7.7 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 48mpg
CO2 emissions 138g/km
Cool rating 6/10
Eco rating 7/10
