THE NEW MOISE-IYAH?
Success for Everton has ebbed and flowed. The School of Science was born in the 1920s, with Dixie Dean leading the club to the league title, a razor-sharp finisher behind methodical and thoughtful buildup play. Relegation and war followed but Everton were reborn in the 1960s under Harry Catterick. More silverware arrived as did the “Holy Trinity” of Colin Harvey, Alan Ball and Howard Kendall, the latter of which helped Everton out of another fallow period. Tin was cheap, Sister Sledge were top of the charts and the Toffees were top of the league. What a time.
More than 30 years have passed, and Everton (and indeed The Fiver) are still waiting for their next golden era. There have been a few false dawns, no more dramatic than a few years ago when a banner appeared on the terraces which read: “The School of Science: re-opened 6th June 2013,” to signify the appointment of the then recently-relegated former Plucky Wigan boss Bobby M. You have to laugh. But scousers are an optimistic bunch and, on paper, it’s an exciting time to be an Evertonian. The new stadium looks on fleek, Richarlison has got a sweet new haircut and the club have somehow convinced one of the most exciting teenagers in world football, Moise Kean, to leave Juventus – that’s Serie A champions Juventus, guys – for Merseyside.
So why can’t The Fiver shake the feeling that the club are going to succumb to Everton-ness once again? Perhaps it’s because The Fiver can’t imagine a Moise in an Everton shirt without thinking about David. Is it because they’ve just flogged their most important midfielder, Idrissa (Gana!?) Gueye to PSG or the fact that they have spent more than £400m since 2016 on bang-average players – that’s over £150m more than Spurs in the same period and only £14m less than the mob across Stanley Park. Oh, Steve Walsh (et al)!
At least Fabian Delph for £8.5m looks to be good business but doesn’t exactly scream Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (“Nothing But The Best Is Good Enough”). But maybe that’s what Everton players are destined to be: decent, hard-working pros (proud husbands, loving dads) behind a catchy slogan. Eighth place and an FA Cup quarter-final defeat beckons again, lads, the return of the School of Science will have to wait.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I am not in charge and I know nothing about the situation of my players … the club need to change my title and description” – Tottenham’s season might not have kicked off yet, but Mauricio Pochettino has.
FIVER LETTERS
“John Toshack’s advice to Gareth Bale on learning some simple Spanish phrases (Tuesday’s Quote of the Day) is quite sage as personal experience can attest. Some years ago in Canada I was a fairly meagrely paid speechwriter and political strategist to the Government of Ontario. For some reason I can’t figure out, I was the highest available official to represent the government at the annual gala dinner of the Ontario–Mexico Trade Association. A couple of billion dollars’ worth of international trade might be at stake if I said the wrong thing. Well, I prepared carefully, researching and writing my short address. We were sat at the head table and next to me was the compere for the evening, whose name was – I swear this is true – José Jiménez. He asked me what I was planning to say. I showed him my notes and he chuckled and told me to put the speech away. He told me instead precisely what to say and to then sit down. I was called to the podium, and it is important to note that the speeches were before dinner. I took out my notes, looked at them, then tucked them back in my breast pocket. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, the hour is late, the food is ready and we are hungry. Therefore, on behalf of Her Majesty’s Government may I simply say, Buenas noches amigos!’ The crowd popped like I’d scored the winning goal at the World Cup. Therefore, if I can address Gareth Bale directly: always listen to old Liverpool strikers. They know a thing or two about diplomacy” – Hubert O’Hearn.
“Regarding winning a letter of the day prize (Fiver passim): My husband David won a copy of Football Manager at least two years ago (if not more – the memory is too painful as I’ve never won letter of the day despite being well ahead in the number of Fiver letters published competition between us). He did receive it and, as neither of us was interested in playing it, I offered it to my students as a charity raffle prize. It was refused” – Katie Maddock.
“Just to cheer up those letter o’the day winners who never got their prize, I thought I’d let you know that I did get my book but I haven’t bothered reading it yet” – Matt Emerson.
“Re: 做一个. So it seems ‘do one’ and ‘make one’ are the same in Chinese” – Jon Gordon (and 1,056 others).
“In reply to Trevor Towson. Seems you’re right in regards to ‘railway stop offs’. In my own city, Liverpool, it’s Edge Hill (rather famous in railway history). But I have to take my hat off to the scaffolding company Climax, which backs on to the railway at Broadgreen. Their slogan is: ‘Why get off at Edge Hill. When you can climax in Broadgreen’” – Stephen Sullivan.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Hubert O’Hearn.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Paulo Dybala will get his chat on with Maurizio Sarri after he returns to Juventus training before deciding whether to wedge himself into Manchester United’s bloated squad.
England’s Phil Neville and USA! USA!! USA!!! head coach Jill Ellis have been nominated for best women’s coach at the Best Fifa Football gongs.
A winding-up petition issued against Bury over tax-knack has been dismissed by the high court. Meanwhile, Nigel Clough reckons the Premier League should help them out. “I genuinely think there is enough money in football at the moment to support everybody,” said Clough. “I know the Premier League have so much control because they control the purse strings, but also there is a responsibility to the rest of football.”
Football authorities from around the world have called on Saudi Arabia to stop allowing live matches to be screened illegally. “We request that the Saudi Ministry of Culture and the Saudi government take swift and decisive action against BeoutQ,” read a letter that is sure to put the frighteners on them.
And Sheffield United have agreed a club-record £20m deal to sign Oli McBurnie, who regularly popped out from behind his beard to score loads of goals for Swansea last season.
STILL WANT MORE?
Our Premier League previews continue apace with No 5: Burnley and No 6: Frank Lampard’s Chelsea.
Two more sleeps till the Championship kicks off. Ben Fisher shifts into preview mode. And here are 10 of the best Championship signings.
Asked and answered by the Knowledge boffins: which goalkeepers scored on their debuts?
Gavin Willacy uses his inside knowledge to look at how Charlton’s academy keeps producing whizzy tyros who go far.
Take Him to Asia, leave Him on bench. What was the point, asks John Duerden.
The Football League has bared its teeth to Bury, but – hey – we can all do better, writes proper journalist David Conn.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
