You know, in 1924, Olympic costume was all about just letting everything hang loose. It wasn’t about being held in and uptight and restrained. It wasn’t about Lycra or high-performance technological fabrics that keep the body both cool and ergonomic but - let’s face it- caged. It was about kicking back, in super high-waisted shorts and a pair of pumps and just hanging very... freely Photograph: Roger-Viollet/Rex Features
Keeping it simple and Spartan for the 1928 Olympics, here we have gold-medal weightlifter J Strassberger. Some people think that a wifebeater should not fall within the aureolae of the nipples; I say it should, and ideally have a racer back (alas, we will never know if that’s the case here). Good use of a black trim to add interest and a slimming effect to the waist Photograph: Roger-Viollet/Rex Features
Several points to be made here. Excellent facial hair, possible silverscreen heart-throb-esque eyeliner usage commended, fabulous silky sash, brave monochrome sock and shoe pairing, good strong pose … but the shorts, Roger. They, um, seem to be a little, ahem, rucked up at the, hum, front. I don’t know what is happening here but the more I stare at it the more confused I get Photograph: Roger-Viollet/Rex Features
Good afternoon. My name is June Paul and I won the silver medal in the 100m. Running is a nasty, sweaty business, isn’t it girls? Luckily I can still look dainty and wear some nice gloves and a hat and do my makeup all lovely – because this is my off-duty Team GB uniform. Check out my shoes! A white court mid-heel is perfect for hoofing around a stadium in the strong Australian heat. I’m a lucky little lady. Someone just called me that and patted me on the head Photograph: Daily Mail/Rex Features
Oof, steady on, Mr Shorty-Shorts. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore, do they ladies? Eh? Eh? Eh? I’ll stop now. Anyway, this is how they used to do highlights for men in the 60s – like a little blonde pixie cap atop the head, leaving it brown underneath for a natural touch Photograph: Derek Cattani/Rex Features
Hello little girl, have you been good? Oh, nope, sorry it’s not a little girl, it’s 17-year-old Olga Korbut busting out her winning routine in the 1972 Olympics. I like that the leotard is almost formal with its shirt-style collar and cuffs, and that Olga is rocking a groovy dolly-bird 70s hairstyle (replete with big white bows) even though she’s, like, doing gymnastics and that. That hairstyle became her 'thing', as did crying. You gotta have a thing Photograph: Monty Fresco/Daily Mail/Rex Features
The shortest shorts, the skimpiest of snugly fitting singlets, the most futuristic (in 1980) of number fonts. Marvel at their long hair, wafting in the breeze as they zoom to victory (or to disappointment). Behold the moustache, the pulled-up sock – ah, how the men running the 800m in 1980 would fit right in with hipsters hanging out in any park in east London today! While we’re here, why do hipster men love short shorts? Discuss Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features
Before you laugh and say that Cathy Freeman looks daft wearing a full bodysuit inclusive of hood in a jade green/taupe/buttercup colourway that looks like something out of Logan’s Run or a 1980s ad for Sanatogen vitamins, can you run the 400m track and field in 49.11 seconds and win a gold medal for your country? No you can not, so pipe down and stick to your tropical print pyjama trousers Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features
If I've heard the phrase 'Huh, women’s beach volleyball, huh, huh' sniggered once, I've heard it 7,568 times in the lead up to the Olympics. But seriously, who invented this sport – Hugh Hefner? This is a little taster of the wonder that awaits: bikini briefs, excessively hungry bottoms, strange hand signals, sports bras, baseball caps, bright colours, sand. Amazing Photograph: Barry Bland/Bluegreenpictures/Rex Features
This is 2004 but it could be yesterday – look at that baby blue. Thakoon spring/summer12 show, hello? This whole look could have been in that collection were it not for the absence of a peplum and the fact that Christopher Brown’s hair is not blue to match. The other thing I love about this is the go-faster stripe down the side, without which, I like to imagine, he just looks like he’s jogging the 400m gently. With it – whoooosh! Like the wind, people Photograph: Martti Kainulainen/Rex Features
There’s a lot going on here. Where to start? My eye is drawn towards the padded lunchboxes, mainly because of the unexplainable circle design which envelopes them. But you have to wonder at the wisdom of trying to make a jumpsuit look like a waistcoat, top and trouser; why not just get on board with the onesie thing and be done with it? The crowns of laurels are excellent, though.. Also the bouquets. Foliage is huge right now Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features
Being an athlete is sartorially very challenging, because you all have to wear the same jumpsuit and tracksuit and blah blah and how will anyone notice you doing the triple jump unless you have crazy-ass hair a la Dennis Rodman back in the day? While this patriotic pillar box is a bit too matchy-matchy with the rest of the look for my personal taste, I applaud the effort Photograph: Sipa Press/Rex Features
Why is this so camp? Is it the Grecian good looks of Australia’s champ freestyle swimmer Ian Thorpe? Or is it the fact that he’s wearing top-to-toe turquoise 'n’ teal with a yellow contrast trim and a cropped bolero detail (does that part zip off or is it just for show? Hoping for the former and that it is lined with Gore-Tex.) The enormous gold medallion, sorry, medal pulls the whole thing together nicely. Or something Photograph: Rex Features
Wowzas, Sharron! That’s top’s a bit … form-fitting, isn’t it? Ahem. So, crop-tops, metallics, yep, into it, very ‘now’. However, high-waist tanga brief, wispy, inch-long fringe, long French manicure, deep Satsuma tan all say 2001. James, loving everything from the neck down, however the 'surfer'-style highlights and mirrored shades are best left in the past Photograph: Peter Macdiarmid/Rex Features
If you’ve suddenly realised you’re wearing an elasticated waist and a very 80s colour scheme (even though it’s the 2000s) in front of a stadium crowd of thousands, pretty much the only thing to do is put a good face on it and smile. I like that they all go confused about how to style it, Tom Cruise going for a halfway compromise that doesn’t really work. Generally a bit too plain and in need of accessories Photograph: Stewart Cook/Rex Features
Szhhhooom (that's the lightsaber effect, by the way. The exact sound a flame makes). Initially hilarious, this picture is basically tragic. A pair of ill-fitting, cheap-looking ensembles and complete absence of hair product is staggering from a country that invented fashion as we know it (allegedly – sources differ) Photograph: Rex Features
