Olivia Wilde has weighed in on the viral debate over whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing, saying that “boyfriends are no longer required” as part of a wider cultural shift in modern dating.
Talking about her new comedy The Invite, the actor and director said that romantic relationships are no longer seen as a necessity, arguing that the default expectation for women to have a partner is shifting.
“Relationships don’t have to be embarrassing,” Wilde says. “But they’re no longer required. A boyfriend is no longer required, which I think is a good evolution.”
Her comments tap into a wider online conversation around the idea that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing” – a phrase that has come to reflect everything from dating fatigue to the compromises, awkwardness and performative elements of modern relationships.
Wilde directs and stars in The Invite, a sex comedy that lays those anxieties bare. It follows married couple Joe (Seth Rogen) and Angela (Wilde), whose fading relationship is thrown into chaos when their charismatic, sexually liberated neighbours (Edward Norton and Penélope Cruz) arrive for an intimate dinner party.
Wilde says the film speaks to not only the profound sadness of a relationship unravelling, but also the identity crisis that can emerge from the fallout.
“People often stay in bad relationships because they think not being in a relationship is embarrassing, specifically women,” she says. “So I think it’s such a good thing that that shift has occurred.
“People sacrifice their own identity in order to stay in a relationship, and you can sense that in others and in yourself,” she says. “What’s embarrassing is this sacrifice of self that sometimes occurs.”
That erosion of identity is embodied by Wilde’s character Angela, who has become trapped in a version of herself designed to preserve her marriage.
“When you realise that this relationship requires a kind of performance, that’s embarrassing,” Wilde says. “And when people realise the embarrassment, that's often when they liberate themselves from it. Sometimes that happens within the relationship, sometimes it’s when they’ve left the relationship and they’re like, ‘Oh my God, where was I? Where did I go?’ Or your friend leaves a bad relationship and you’re like, ‘Thank God you’re back.’”
Wilde’s co-star Edward Norton says the film reflects a broader shift in how people are increasingly conscious of how they present themselves.
“We’re in an era where the publishing of self-narrative has almost become compulsory,” he says. “I think people are more hyper-attuned, in some sense, to the way they present. People are more self-conscious than ever.
“I don’t think many people feel present in their life in exactly the way they want to be,” he says.
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