THE FUTURE IS NOW
And to think there were some who thought England’s march to the Ethics World Cup semi-finals was a false dawn! Sure, they triumphed over Tunisia, pummelled Panama, conquered Colombia and smothered Sweden before capitulating against Croatia (despite playing well for a bit), but the actual football hadn’t really been that good, had it? On Monday night in Seville that idea was buried in an avalanche of first-half goals. England’s march was but a false distant glimmer of light on a fake far horizon. Maybe some car headlights or a bloke with a torch or something. This – this – was the false dawn.
England went to Spain and opened the scoring with a 17-pass move. Seventeen passes! As the ball whizzed around the pitch their opponents’ rearguard was sliced and diced so effectively that the unit marshalled by Sergio Ramos looked not so much solid as salad. They were tired and wilting by the time Marcus Rashford added a counter-punching second, and then Ross Barkley’s lovely lofted ball looped into the path of Harry Kane, whose pass – more cushioned than the lusciously-upholstered interior of a royal post-wedding commoner-waving carriage – presented Raheem Sterling with a simple finish, and England had put the Spanish through the blender once again.
What kind of future must this England team create in order for this moment – the instant when the players turned towards the tunnel at half-time with a 3-0 advantage and the fresh memory of turning one of Europe’s finest sides into gazpacho – not to be seen in future times as a harbinger of false hope? Another major tournament semi-final would be a bit of a letdown, wouldn’t it? A World Cup? More than one? We’re talking multiple trophies here. Sustained achievement of the grandest sort. “I think we showed we can beat the top teams,” tooted Kieran Trippier. “It was a statement and hopefully in the future we can put performances in like this as well. We want to win every game and play like that in every game. I thought all round it was a perfect performance.”
This is where we are. Suddenly England’s right-back thinks his side “can put in” “a perfect performance” “in every game”. Old-timers have seen this movie before – John Barnes at the Maracanã, David Platt in Bologna, Munich 2001, Theo Walcott’s Zagreb hat-trick – and it never ends well. But there could be no more opportune moment than a trip to Spain to ask the age-old question: this time, more than any other time, can England get it right? To which the obvious answers are: a) probably not; b) there are four years before they have to; and c) at least we had a lot more fun than is traditional on a Monday.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The guy was standing there with his stall, very proud … so I was aware I had to be on my toes but I was shocked when the match started and I saw it wasn’t just fruit but people were also throwing darts and even a pig’s leg” – Mark Walters tells Paul Doyle about the depressing reality of playing football in Britain in the late-1980s and how, like many black former players, he has never been given a serious coaching job despite having all the badges.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on … England’s travels in the Nations League. Co-starring Kanye and P1ers Morgan’s hot-take generator.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Surely the section of troublesome England fans in Spain (yesterday’s Fiver) were the Boorish invasion of 2018?” – Patrick Brennan.
“Congratulations on yesterday’s Fiver, I thought it was really well structured. I particularly liked the picture at the top: it was a great Segway into the England story” – Dan Croft.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Patrick Brennan.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
West Ham are under pressure to take action after Mark Phillips, who coaches their U-18s, said he went on a march organised by the Democratic Football Lads Alliance, a group condemned by anti-racism campaigners.
German truck and bus company MAN have cancelled a competition on Social Media Disgrace Twitter, where followers could win Borussia Dortmund tickets by answering a question about the 2017 bomb attack on the team coach. Readers pointed out the insensitivity of asking: “How many of the players on the bus when the attack happened are currently still in the team?”
José Mourinho has been charged by the FA with improper conduct for allegedly blabbing bad words after Manchester United’s win over Newcastle.
Maltese opportunists Valletta FC have offered Usain Bolt a two-year deal, some dosh and the vague hope of Big Cup football. “A champion is always welcome and at Valletta FC we believe nothing is impossible,” blathered chief suit Ghasston Slimen, while scooping up huge mounds of free publicity which we’re contributing to.
New Aston Villa boss Dean Smith says Plain Old John Terry’s moon-sized personality will not undermine him and he is still top dog. “I thought he was a good fit [as No 2],” honked Smith. “I want coaches who are going to come and challenge me.”
Ryan Giggs has urged his Wales side to prove they can win a game of football without Gareth Bale. “We have to cope, prove people wrong, make that record better,” he mumbled, before the drab Nations League stalemate with O’Ireland.
Sadio Mané suffered hand-snap during Senegal’s 3-0 win over Sudan and will not play in the return fixture.
And Partick Thistle have appointed Gary Caldwell as manager. “We were blown away by Gary’s interview preparation,” cheered chief suit Jacqui Low.
STILL WANT MORE?
Scottish champions Glasgow City face a grandstand finish to their domestic season but first visit Barcelona in Women’s Big Cup in search of a last-16 shock, writes Suzanne Wrack.
Dominic Fifield is still wearing sunglasses after being dazzled by England’s front three against Spain.
“We hadn’t c0cked it up like this against England since the 16th century.” Sid Lowe peruses the Spanish press reaction to the defeat in Seville.
Philip Cornwall recalls six of the best England performances since Euro 96 so that you don’t have to. Spoiler alert: England 1-2 Iceland is not among them.
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