I’m a 27-year-old single woman and over the years I’ve had an on/off relationship with a guy I’ve known since we were at college together.
We dated for a bit when we were 18, then split up when he went somewhere else to study.
Then we got together again in our 20s for a few months and broke up again because of jobs and other circumstances – but we’ve always kept in touch and met up for dinner and drinks, and with other mates.
Our break-ups were never acrimonious and I think both of us felt we’d always be in each other’s lives.
He got together with someone last year and told me it was serious. I was pleased for him, but also a bit jealous if I’m honest. I suppose I had this romantic notion we’d end up together.
Now, he’s told me he can’t be in touch with me because his girlfriend has gone nuts that we’re still close.
He’s unfollowed me on social media and said he cannot return my messages in case she finds out we’ve been chatting.
Surely this isn’t healthy? I can’t believe he’s just erased me from his life. What do you think?
Coleen says
I think it can be hard to build a relationship when there’s an ex hovering nearby all the time.
And maybe he’s blaming his girlfriend for taking a step back from you, but it could be he’s decided the only way to give his new relationship a shot is by taking a step back from your friendship.
Perhaps he knows you always end up falling back into this on/off relationship that never goes anywhere.
I honestly think that if you were meant to be together, then jobs and other circumstances wouldn’t have forced you apart. You would have found a way to make it work in order to be together.
It doesn’t sound like either of you felt strongly enough about the relationship to do that.
He’s moved on – at least for now– so I think you owe it to yourself to do the same.
Who knows, maybe you will end up together down the road. But for now, he’s with someone else and getting on with his life, so don’t waste yours by living in the past.
