It’s off to the next tuneup for Ohio State. Thanks goes out to Jim Delany for bringing in the television markets of New York and the D.C. area while also getting two more bye-weeks for the Big Ten East division contenders.
After treating Maryland like a whipped omelet, the Buckeyes now head east to take on a Rutgers team that’s still trying to figure out how to play the game of football since helping invent it.
We normally do five reasons Ohio State beats its next opponent, but this time we’re taking a little different tact because there’s little rationale for believing the Scarlet Knights can put up more resistance than a light breeze on Saturday.
So, here’s five snarky reasons the Buckeyes beat back the Scarlet Knights this weekend. And before we get any vitriol pointed in our direction by one of the few dozen Rutgers’ fans, remember it’s all in good fun.
Next … Influenza?
The flu hasn’t decimated Central Ohio just yet
What better way to create a level playing field against a team that has much more superior talent than rooting for an influenza strain to make its way through the opposing locker room? The bad news there is that the flu hasn’t gotten so bad in Central Ohio yet that it’s wreaking havoc on the Ohio State football team.
So. sorry Scarlet Knights fans. The only IV bags and breathing treatments that are in play here the ones needed after running up and down the field at SHI Stadium after scoring a bushel of points.
Next … The weather?
A significant weather event is not in the cards
C’mon mother nature, win one for the gipper. I mean, it’s kinda true that the weather is starting to turn north of the Mason-Dixon line, but there’s not a blizzard, freezing rain event, or Noreaster expected this weekend.
That’s bad news for Rutgers.
Wind, rain, and other natural weather events could certainly keep Ohio State from putting up seventy points, but it doesn’t look like there will be much help from the weather sciences this weekend.
As of right now, the forecast at kickoff is calling for a temperature around 38 degrees, with sun and no precipitation or windy conditions. Sorry Rutgers, can’t count on that one either. Then again, weather men are notorious for being wrong, so there’s still a small glimmer of hope. Am I right?
Next … Another day, another time?
The time machine has not been invented yet
Well, this goes without saying, but time travel is not available at your local travel agent just yet. Even if it were, what year would you transport to for grabbing players of the past? The best bet looks like 2006 or so when Greg Schiano was coaching and running back Ray Rice was running his way to close to 2,000 yards.
Of course both are still alive, so that’s a plus. And while Schiano may still make his way full-circle, it’s unlikely that Ray Rice has much burst left. He has also expired his college eligibility, so that could be a tough one to get by the NCAA.
But hey, maybe one day this will be an option. How about a time travel redshirt in the future? Maybe the transfer portal is the harboring of what’s to come here. That could explain a lot.
Next … There are no signs of life
Aliens have yet to make their presence known
Look, if you can’t hang with the team you’re playing with, one could always use a little technology from the outer-rims of the universe to level things up a wee-bit. The only problem with that is that we’ve yet to (knowingly) discover intelligent life beyond our planet.
There are UFO sightings and rumors sure, but the whole storming Area 51 thing never really took off to prove anything. Some day, we may very well see a faster-twitch athlete with different genetics from a galaxy far away wearing pads and helmets, but we’re probably at least a few years away from that.
That also means guys like Justin Fields and J.K. Dobbins are unlikely to be abducted by little green men, so they’ll be on the field ready to go too.
Next … The end of days
The rapture is unlikely to happen before Saturday afternoon
If you follow the Christian faith, then you know about the rapture. Sometime, in the twinkling of an eye, and when least expected in the end of days, believers will be snatched up and taken to heaven.
Now, while I fully believe we are in the end of days with what this world is coming to, I will gladly place a bet on any odds that much of the world (Ohio State players included) won’t be rescued from this world by way of the rapture.
If it did happen though, Ohio State would surely have to scramble to fill out the two-deep. Whichever team can do the best to put a team on the field would have a big advantage. This would provide hope in Piscataway, and for all human kind to be honest.
Now, about that plague of locusts …
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