THE WHOLE WORLD’S A PLAYGROUND
The national team of the Netherlands finally seem to be getting their act together. It’s been a hell of a struggle for them over the years, as a quick flick through history illustrates: an 8-2 loss to England in 1946, a 4-0 loss to France last year, while roughly in between times they lost a World Cup finals match against Scotland, a result which leads The Fiver to assume they couldn’t have been any good in the seventies either. But on Monday they swatted aside Portugal 3-0 in Geneva. Wow! That result also puts England in a good light, because having beaten the Dutch last Friday, simple playground logic dictates that Gareth Southgate’s side must be at least four times better than the reigning European champions. At least. Stands to reason, don’t it. The World Cup’s pretty much in the bag. England! Give us your bike.
But don’t just take The Fiver’s word for it. Nabil Maâloul, manager of Tunisia, also reckons England are one of the favourites. “The English have understood recently that they had to change their ideas and follow the evolution of world football,” he says. “If they continued to play as they did in the past, they could not progress. Their style of play is no longer about hitting the ball long and running after it. Things have progressed enormously.” Maâloul, who is in no way trying to flatter England into a false sense of security before they face his team in Volgograd on 18 June, puts this tactical modernity down to the influence of “great managers” like José Mourinho and Arsène Wenger, two poor saps who can’t lift a trophy these days without copping flak for being old hat. But that’s the internet for you. Nabil knows.
Having said that, his assessment will look rather generous should England get turned over by Italy at Wembley. It promises to be a bittersweet occasion, because when the match starts it’ll finally hit home that we won’t be seeing the Azzurri at the World Cup. If that’s a mind-bending state of affairs for us, imagine how weird it must feel for Italy, whose record of reaching at least a final every decade since the 1970s is now kaput. Adding insult to injury, the fathers of catenaccio will have to watch England airily mess about with a defence that hasn’t conceded a goal for five matches – Alfie Mawson and James Tarkowski may even get a run-out – just because they can. Oh Enzo! Vittorio! Ferruccio! Marcello! How has it come to this?
Italy may therefore see this as an opportunity to assuage some wounded pride and make a positive statement. Hey, if they could follow up a victory at Wembley with wins in upcoming friendlies against much-fancied France and the Portugal-bothering Netherlands, they might even be able to stake a claim on the Ethics World Cup after all. A moral one, that is, with reference to the aforementioned playground rules. Providing one of France, Portugal or, erm, England go on to actually win the thing. Hmm. Still, that’s something for Italy to aim for, right?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“This is the worst team that I’ve ever managed … 95% of the responsibility is mine as the players assembled here are not equal and are not able to take in my messages and demands of them” – manager Paco Jémez with a comforting message for Las Palmas fans.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on England’s latest Ethics World Cup preparations.
THE FIVEЯ
Yes, it’s our not-singing, not-dancing World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST, here’s the first edition.
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FIVER LETTERS
“I was interested (mildly) to read Matt Johnson’s article, on the Fiver-esque hobby of photographing football-related stickers, via your link (yesterday’s Still Want More?). It reminded me of The The initially. Then also that the Nasty Leeds badge can be found in the Tony Hawk Underground skate game. Hidden fun stuff in video games are called ‘Easter eggs’. And it’s Easter, soon. So there’s that” – Steve Hibbert.
“England fans won’t be too encouraged for their team’s chances this summer if their manager is listening to an 80s album from an Irish band the opening lines of which are: ‘I want to run, I want to hide.’ And which closes with the ominous: ‘In the trees our sons stand n@ked, see their tears in the rainfall.’ The nation should be concerned that the man in charge of picking the team goes about his daily business humming ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’. Good luck Blighty!” – Justin Kavanagh.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Justin Kavanagh, who bags a copy of Vince, the autobiography of Vince Hilaire.
THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
Belgium boss Bobby M isn’t going to let his team’s fancied status go to their heads. At least that’s what he’s saying. “We are preparing for a World Cup,” he grooved. “World Cups don’t respect generations. They respect talent.”
Derby and Cardiff are still going at it over their recent postponement due to “unsafe conditions”. Responding to Neil Warnock calling it “disgraceful”, County’s Gary Rowett tooted: “I know Neil is an excellent manager but I didn’t actually realise he’s also a qualified health and safety inspector.”
Big Big Cup and Big Vase news: from next season teams will be able to make a fourth substitution in extra-time and use new signings who have already played in the tournament for their former teams.
There’s been some strong own-goal work in the Ethiopian Premer League.
And four players have walked out on the DR Congo in protest at poor logistics around Tuesday’s friendly with Tanzania. “They all lamented the organisational aspects of the camp and are frustrated,” sniffed media officer Jerry Angengwa.
STILL WANT MORE?
World Cup stunning moments: Luis Suárez’s teeth fall on to Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder.
What next for Italy after their failure to qualify for the World Cup? The Gentleman Ultra panel has its say.
Mavis Appiah is ploughing a lonely furrow for female coaches in Ghana. She talks to Suzanne Wrack.
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