AMSTERDAMNED
A shade over 20 years ago, an Ajax side that may as well have been the national team swaggered in to the Ernst Happel Stadium in Vienna and waited 85 minutes to knock Milan off their perch and so claim their fourth European Cup title. Edwin van der Sar was in goal; the defence boasted Michael Reiziger, Danny Blind, Frank Rijkaard and Frank de Boer; Clarence Seedorf and Edgar Davids ran the midfield; Jari Litmanen tucked in behind Ronald de Boer and Finidi George and Marc Overmars bombed up the wings. Nightclub Patrick came on to score the winner; Winston Bogarde, inevitably, remained on the bench keeping everyone’s things safe. Louis van Gaal oversaw the victory that made his side then the fourth most successful European club of all time, masterminding victory over Fabio Capello’s then six-times European champions. All in all, grand old European clubs slugging it out in the grand old style.
Oh Ajax! Last week, the club – one of five teams to have won the European Cup so often as to be allowed to wear a multiple winners badge on their shirt – had to swallow their pride, return to the Ernst Happel in July and face Rapid Vienna to qualify for a tournament they once more or less owned. Putting a brave face on such an embarrassment, manager Frank de Boer promptly named what was virtually an Under-21 side to represent the four-time European champions, and they then let a two-goal lead slip against the 10-man Austrians. Oh Ajax! “Are we the favourites for next week’s game? Of course,” sniffed De Boer afterwards, turning his attentions to the second leg. Oh Frank!
So much did he feel his side were the favourites in Tuesday night’s match that he named more or less the same Under-21 side – the likes of current internationals Johnny Heitinga, Ricardo van Rhijn, Lasse Schöne and Nemanja Gudelj fulfilling the Bogarde role on the bench – and the whole risible rabble lost 3-2 in a ding-dong game that means Ajax went out of Big Cup to the lowliest ranked side in qualifying.
“Earning a spot in [Big Vase] group phase is important,” cheered De Boer afterwards. “[Big Vase] is very important because it is crucial to play in Europe,” he added, continuing to bang that drum very loudly indeed in the hope of drowning out all the noise being made by voluble points to the contrary. Still, he did eventually concede that “this is so sad for Dutch football”, as if his decision to field a side of whelps, whippersnappers and urchins had little to do with that.
And how has Van Gaal reacted to the final humbling of one of Europe’s great clubs, the side at which he started his playing and managerial career, and who he guided to their last European Cup? By giving the glad eye to their keeper Jasper Cillessen, who is no longer European Cup-tied, that’s how. “If Manchester United come with a bid of many, it can be difficult,” sighed De Boer. Oh Ajax!
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I thought about what would be really painful to them, and doing something like this really bothers this type of people” – after two Bayern Munich fans were found guilty of assaulting an 1860 Munich supporter by ripping his jacket, shirt and, erm, straw hat, judge Karin Jung offers the pair the choice between 15 months in jail or buying their victim a sackful of 1860 merchandise. The pair plumped for the latter option.
WIN! WIN! WIN!
It’s a bumper Premier League tickets giveaway for the opening weekend. There are home tickets for Chelsea v Swansea, Everton v Watford, Newcastle v Southampton and West Brom v Manchester City up for grabs. And yep, the Chelsea question should have been fixed. Apologies.
FIVER LETTERS
“By signing up Irishman Gary Deegan on a new contract, (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), Southend’s Phil Brown showed he is good craic. Hopefully the fact that he announced it while having his back waxed won’t result in him getting the sack” – Dexter O’Riordan.
“How ironic that in looking to work the phrase ‘give a flying one’ into his letter about the Wright-Phillips brothers, Iain Gallagher (yesterday’s Fiver letters) should have used it to dismiss ‘soccerball’. Fans of Manchester City, Southampton, Chelsea, QPR, Plymouth, Charlton, etc may have their doubts, but on this evidence MLS is going to take off. Shaun and Bradley, like Orville and Wilbur, clearly demonstrated that their focus is developing a method of wing control as the key to solving ‘the flying problem’” – Basile Bailey.
“Having watched the very sharp goal scored by one Wright-Phillips after the cut back of the other, after the hand gesture from one Wright-Phillips which was supposedly noticed, interpreted and acted upon by the other, I think that Mr Gallagher is possibly the most eagle-eyed football fan on the planet. Either that or he’s never seen Shaun Wright-Phillips’ trademark flappy-hand-Mr Tickle-dying-windmill style of running, or his head down hit and hope crossing before” – Hamish Potts.
“Oi, what’s the league and pin for the fantasy footy. I want to improve on 273rd or whatever I got last year” – Mark Davies.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Dexter O’Riordan.
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PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEWS
Not only is there Louise Taylor on Sunderland (plus video) and Stuart James on Swansea City (plus video) today, but there’s also our bumper football writers’ Premier League predictions, which you can cut out and keep as a stick to beat them with when Claudio Ranieri guides Leicester to the title.
BITS AND BOBS
IFK Norrkoping captain Andreas Johansson has apologised after footage of his shambolic dive against AIK earned him worldwide attention. “What I did was wrong and has no place in football,” he parped. “I had a quick brainwave of which I am very ashamed … When I see things like this on TV it makes me angry and it makes me extremely disappointed that I did it.”
Arsenal are still sniffing around Karim Benzema and are sure they can scent something that everyone else can’t.
Manchester City. Kevin De Bruyne. £48m. Impending.
José Mourinho has employed the time-honoured tactic of saying he is fed up of the hoopla concerning Chelsea’s efforts to sign Everton’s John Stones in order to continue feeding the hoopla concerning Chelsea’s efforts to sign Everton’s John Stones. “Clubs and players need quiet time and respect when the competition starts,” said the manager who is very much an expert in both the fields of quiet time and respect.
Gareth Bale has told Rafa Benítez that, given he plays quite well through the middle for Wales, he should also do the same for the most successful club in the history of European football. “For me, that’s my position and it’s where I want to play,” he trilled.
Former Southampton, Boca Juniors, Inter, Juventus, Roma, Espanyol, Bologna, Fiorentina, Lecce, Atalanta and Huracán favourite Dani Osvaldo has signed for Porto in his latest bid to play for every football side on earth.
Crystal Palace have signed Wolves winger Bakary Sako on a three-year deal. “When I met Alan [Pardew] I felt a good feeling between him and me,” he cooed.
Meeelan coach Sinisa Mihajlovic, who knows a thing or two about feisty tackles, has defended Nigel de Jong’s stamp on Bayern Munich’s Joshua Kimmich in a ‘friendly’. “Football is not ballet and fouls are part of the match,” he roared, surprising everyone that he knew what ballet was.
And new AFC Telford United arrival Tom Thorley has promptly done one because of the 26-mile commute from Walsall. “He spoke to us about five weeks ago to express his view that signing for Telford was impacting upon his lifestyle and he was finding the travelling difficult,” explained Telford suit Lee Carter.
STILL WANT MORE?
John Ashdown has shouldered the responsibility for doing the entire League One preview on his own, so give him a break if his predictions turn out to be bobbins. [Spoiler alert: features photo of Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink holding teacup with unlikely daintiness.]
Spartans, Corinthians, Synthonia and Supermarine: the Knowledge archive gets to the bottom of football clubs with weird suffixes.
Nick Ames reports on how Danny Pugh has gone from down and out at Burnley in 2006 to the Premier League with Bournemouth in 2015, via Bury, Shrewsbury, Hereford, Luton Town and a flirtation with the abyss in between.
Paul Wilson reckons John Stones would do better than listen to the advice of Rio Ferdinand as to his future.
In a rare joint byline with fashion writer Lauren Cochrane, Barney Ronay casts his sartorial squint over the most fashionable football strips of this Premier League season and comes to the conclusion that Swansea’s looks like “it was designed by a toddler on a Haribo high”.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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