A NORTHERN SOUL
Anyone who remembers the glory days of the northern soul scene in the 1970s will know that Wigan has long been a hotbed of multiculturalism. The Fiver has failed to find out if local replica-shirt price-fixing magnate Dave Whelan ever went down the Casino in Oxford bags and brogues, clutching a tub of talcum powder, a dip in his hip and a glide in his stride, with the express intention of performing a few spins, backflips and smooth shuffles to a few rare R&B platters. But we’re guessing not. He did break his leg in the 1960 FA Cup final, after all, and those high kicks don’t perform themselves. Perhaps he put his feet up and stayed at home instead, watching whatever was on television back then, stuff like the Black and White Minstrel Show, or Mind Your Language, or the Black and White Minstrel Show. But like we say, the Fiver’s failed to find out any of that.
What we do know is that the Wigan Athletic chairman has made a bit of a PR pig’s lug of dealing with his controversial appointment of new manager Malky Mackay, currently under FA investigation for sending a series of text messages that make him out to be a bit of an unreconstructed berk. Whelan defended Mackay as “an honourable man”, and fair’s fair, everyone deserves a second chance to prove their innate human decency. But Whelan really didn’t do anybody, least of all himself, any favours when last night he embarked on a leftfield riff in which he managed to offend the Irish, Jewish people and everyone from China. That’s the best part of two billion people in one fell swoop, not bad going at all, a diplomatic achievement that knocks the efforts of erstwhile BBC1 prime-time act George Mitchell and his heavily made-up Minstrels into one of their straw boaters.
To be fair to Whelan, he did subsequently apologise for accusing Jewish people of being obsessed with money and for saying there was nothing wrong with calling Chinese people “chinks”. Sort of. “I did not say that Jewish people chase money more than anybody else. I said that Jewish people do chase money, just like we the English chase money, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong in chasing money because we work for it.” Meanwhile “if somebody says to a Chinaman ‘you’re a chink’, would he be upset about it? I don’t know really. If he was, I would say ‘I’m very sorry, I won’t call you that again’. I don’t think that there is an insult meant.”
Sadly for Whelan, whether or not these comments constitute insults isn’t really up to him. “You cannot insult a whole group of people and then say, ‘I would never insult them’, and hope that’s OK,” points out Jonathan Arkush, vice-president of the Board of Deputies of British Jews. “We need to see a proper apology and full recognition of the offence caused.” Meanwhile a representative for equality and inclusivity organisation Kick It Out added: “These comments must not go unchallenged and have to be investigated by the FA.” As indeed, the governing body has announced this afternoon, they will be. Of course, this is all grist to the mill for those folk who like to loudly complain that you can’t call anyone anything these days without people taking offence. The same sort of folk who, upon calling people things, become all hot-faced and affronted when people call them things for doing it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m so disappointed the chairman of Wigan, a big club, is also a racist. A racist chairman hiring a racist manager. I hope that stops at two racists in Wigan, not snowballing to 2,000 or 20,000 racists in Wigan” – Cardiff owner Vincent Tan plays fast and loose with the definition of ‘big club’.
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A BIGGER PLUG THAN THE ONE FROM THE BFG’S BATH
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FIVER LETTERS
“The letters that you publish are getting too long” – Daniel Whipp.
“Your bit or bob yesterday about Manchester United failing to understand Louis van Gaal’s accent when he says ‘not’ may explain a lot about their defending this season. Just as ‘not six months’ turns into ‘six months’, so ‘do not let them score’, ‘do not give them loads of space’ etc get misunderstood. Everyone thought it was opposition strikers tying United’s defence in knots, turns out it was LvG failing to tie them with nots” – Robin Hazlehurst.
“Of all the terrible things that Malky has [allegedly] said, the one that makes this pedant’s hackles rise the most is one of the most inappropriate uses of ‘footballer’s irony’ I think I have ever read: ‘I was actually at the 2013 FA Cup final with my son so I know first hand about some of the things Wigan have achieved. It is a little bit ironic to find myself back here as manager and I am proud to have the opportunity.’ If managing a team you have previously watched is ironic, then any other managerial appointment in history would also be ironic. ‘Any other managerial appointment’ is, ironically, exactly what Dave Whelan should have made – Owen Powell.
“Dave Whelan may well have copped a lot less flak if he had appointed Dave Mackay [yesterday’s bits and bobs]” – Martin Leaver (and 1,056 others).
“As a self-professed Fiver pedant, Mark Lloyd [yesterday’s Fiver letters] should have known that he misused ‘only’ in his opening sentence. Unless he knew that the other 1,056 pedant only viewed the Fiver in question, instead of actually reading it (which I’m shamefully admitting I did), he should have written ‘viewed by only 1,056 pedants’ – Nigel Assam (and no other grammar pedants).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is: Owen Powell, who wins a copy of Football Manager 2015, courtesy of the very kind people at Football Manager Towers. We’ve got more copies to give away this month, so if you haven’t been lucky thus far, keep trying.
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BITS AND BOBS
Liverpool have got various medical bods to prod Daniel Sturridge and report back on the reasons for his weekly thigh-knack. “We reckon it’s his ninth injury on the same thing … so there seems to be an underlying issue somewhere,” sobbed Brendan Rodgers.
More knack news: José Mourinho says Diego Costa is now “totally recovered” after his entire-leg-twang. Cue the striker being wheeled into Stamford Bridge tomorrow in a full body cast.
Sheffield United will not let convicted r@pist Ched Evans train with the club after all. “The reaction to this has been at an intensity that could not have been anticipated when first announced,” U-turned a club statement.
Police have issued an arrest warrant for Ghana striker Prince Tagoe for allegedly shooting a gun while reveling in trendy Accra nightspot Paloma Night Club. “It is an offence for shooting to take place in a nightclub because it is a public place and it could have hurt something,” confirmed corporal Dela.
Holy smokes Batman! DC comics have hit Valencia with a lawsuit for altering the bat on their club crest to something like the one on Batman’s leotard. Pow!
Impending club v country row ahoy! Arsène Wenger isn’t mad keen on his youngsters playing in the European Under-21 Championship next summer. “If Roy Hodgson wants to do well at the European Championship [in 2016], I don’t think it’s in his interest to overload the players during the summer preceding the European Championship,” passive-aggressived the Arsenal manager.
Lionel Messi may up sticks and leave Spain over his tax problems. “He’s fed up with Spain and that’s why he wants to leave,” a source told misleading-named newspaper El Confidencial.
And Swiss third division side Grenchen have sacked 11 players following a 10-0 defeat. “It sounds brutal, but these players are not good enough for this league. I am the head of sport and there to do something when [the club] is not running smoothly. I am one who talks less and does more,” honked sporting director Renato Brun, whose job title suggests he probably had a hand in signing many of the sacked players.
STILL WANT MORE?
Dominic Fifield meets Chelsea man-octopus Thibaut Courtois.
Scott Murray picks half a dozen three-goal comebacks in this week’s helpfully titled Joy of Six: three-goal comebacks.
We’re offering you not one thing to look out for in the Premier League this weekend. Not two things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend. Not even five things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend, but nine! Nine things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend. And if you click here now you get another thing to look out for in the Premier League this weekend absolutely free!
Just like Jurassic Park, the J League is heading towards a thrilling finale. But, just like Jurassic Park III, it may be the last for a long time, reckons Ben Mabley.
“An excellent player whose words now carry some extra weight as a consequence of being delivered with the haunted, sandpapery intensity of a disillusioned military hostage negotiator called out, wearily, for one last job.” It could only be Barney Ronay’s Friday column.
An England team that fans want to watch and has half a chance of beating Germany: Alexandra Topping previews Sunday’s women’s international at Wembley.
Bojan Krkic talks to Stuart James about doing it on a wet Tuesday in Stoke.
Discover just how little you’ve taken in over the past seven days with our sports quiz of the week.
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