Oblivion Remastered cannot be mistaken for a remake. Many have done so since its release in April of last year, admonishing Bethesda for leaving in so many of the classic game's bugs, while the remaster never promised anything other than itself. A few quality of life changes here and there, yes, but the game essentially underwent a beautiful makeover. This means that anyone expecting Bethesda's remaster to not feature all of its bugs and glitches – ranging from silly, such as leaving in a voice actor's stumbling over their lines, to game-breaking, where one retrieved item early on permanently prevents a quest from activating – is sorely mistaken.
I knew all about Oblivion's potential for game-breaking bugs, and in all honestly, went into it with far too much hubris. Clearly, I wouldn't fall victim to what thousands of players over the past two decades have; I'm built different.
Reader: they were not built different.
Bounty hunted
I turned every Oblivion NPC into a sheep and broke the game, but I can only blame myself
And so began the long, arduous, horseless, journey across the map of Cyrodiil that was so tedious I abandoned the game for two months. Why? Because I pissed off the guards – I don't remember how, possibly trespassing? – and they became permanently hostile towards me.
Any time enemies – whether that be guards, mobs, or bandits – have you on their hitlist, you're locked out of the ability to both wait and, most importantly, fast travel.
Before I realized I was already doomed, however, I made the journey – on foot, as I didn't know where my horse was at this time and was blissfully ignorant to what a major problem this would soon be – to Bruma and had my Doyen, S'krivva, clear my bounty. Unfortunately, I quickly realized the guards were still after me. No matter where I went, these guards were – supposedly – on my tail. I couldn't see them, and guards I encountered in other cities had no issue with me. These determined enforcers of Cyrodiil law were from one specific incident that I can't even recall, and they would stop at nothing to reach me.
Guards are also shockingly difficult to kill, and I didn't want to deal with the repercussions of that if I even did manage to find them and commit capital murder. Besides, I had travelled all the way to Bruma – on foot, as you may remember – to clear my bounty and those guards were so far gone I doubt the game's engine even had them spawned anywhere.
I was now at an impasse. My Shadowmere was where I left him, except, as you may remember, I didn't know where that was, because whenever I fast travelled, he simply appeared. Who needs to keep track of their horse when he's got that clutch skill? This meant no fast travel, no horse. Luckily, my athletics level was upwards of 80, making me an expert at running – although I don't recommend switching to third-person POV in a situation like this, because you will realize just how painfully slow you actually move.
You're probably asking "Why didn't you just use console commands?" Well, I would have loved to, but I play Oblivion Remastered through Game Pass, and the usage of console commands on this platform permanently disables achievements. Yes, I wish I had bought the game on Steam.
It's behind me, right?
I can't claim I desire a remake when its less game-breaking bugs are endless fuel for entertainment.
Upon realizing the guards were still aggro'd despite paying off my bounty, and other failed fixes such as sleeping for 24 hours, it was time to go to Reddit, where the ancient texts lie.
With console commands not being an option, I was presented with my fix: enter an Oblivion gate, and close it. Not exactly the reason why Patrick Stewart had pleaded with me to "close shut the jaws of Oblivion" before he was brutally murdered, but I'm still getting the job done.
Oblivion gates are one of the weaker aspects of the game in my opinion, due to their repetitive nature and maze-like maps. I try not to do them unless I'm in the mood to kill the same five enemies repeatedly while getting lost in the wastes of Oblivion, or they pertain to a certain quest. Still, I wanted to be able to fast-travel. I missed my evil horse.
I'm currently chipping away at the "Allies For Bruma" mission, and decided to head to the next Oblivion gate that I needed to close in that questline. Unfortunately, that was all the way in Leyawiin. In case you're wondering where Leyawiin is in relation to Bruma, I'll paint you a picture: not even fucking close.
So began my trek. The trek that had me abandon the game for two months. The trek that brought me to an Oblivion gate I did not feel like dealing with yet, but was my only path to freedom from the "You cannot fast travel while guards are pursuing you" hellscape I'd found myself in.
Last week, I finished my journey and sealed Leyawiin's Oblivion gate. When I walked out of that gate and opened the map to fast travel somewhere, anywhere, I nearly cried tears of joy.
Never again will I believe myself to be too good to fall victim to Oblivion's infamous bugs and glitches. The game is a true-to-form remaster, and I can't claim I desire a remake when its less game-breaking bugs are endless fuel for entertainment. But it's an important differentiation for myself and other newer players to make. Next time you venture into Cyrodiil, tread carefully, dear reader; I'll be doing the same.
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