David Cohen presents the 2006 Dubious Achievements Awards from the international world of offbeat news, covering everything from Russian cosmology to librarian porn.
For Services to Science: To Claude Mararikei, a sociologist and the chairman of Zimbabwe's Traditional Medical Practitioner's Council; for giving the academic seal of approval to his government's recent decision to decriminalise witchcraft. Casting the right spell around one's property was akin to "electrifying the fence round your house," the scholar gushed.
For Services to Cosmology: To Russia's Ufology Commission, in Togliatti; for establishing the world's first institute of UFO learning. According to wire reports, the school will teach "basic UFO watching skills along with first contact protocol in case of an encounter".
For Services to Librarianship: To Daniel Lester, an information co-ordinator at Albertsons Library, Boise State University; for helpfully updating his paper originally presented in 1990 at the Conference of the Popular Culture Association in Toronto, listing the top works of porn titles featuring university librarians.
For Services to Art: To Mo Xiaoxin, a lecturer at China's Jiangsu Teachers University of Technology; for stripping naked to teach a "body art" class. According to the Beijing News, the 56-year-old educator shocked students by disrobing in order to emphasise the "power" of the body and to "challenge taboos". Said one: "Professor Mo appeared emotionally excited at the time."
For Services to Oceanography: To Francis Smith, a University of California at Berkeley postgrad whose doctoral thesis was on northern California's savage rip currents; for agreeing to demonstrate the dangers of San Francisco's waters to a class of students. After walking half a dozen steps into the waves on the beach of Lincoln Way, however, Dr Smith found himself hopelessly out of his depth, pulled away from the shore and unable to return. (He survived.)
For Services to Behavioural Science: To Auden McClure, a clinical instructor in paediatrics at Dartmouth Medical School; for publishing groundbreaking research, in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, showing that young adolescents who own t-shirts, hats and other merchandise with an alcohol brand name on it are more likely to enjoy drinking than young people who do not own these items.
The Y2K6 Award: To Norway's Institute for Theoretical Astrophysics, at the University of Oslo, for having the good grace to admit that reports of the country's small meteorite strike may have been a tad exaggerated. In its initial response, the institute had likened the occurrence to the atom bomb detonated over Hiroshima, declaring that, "We have run out of words for how exciting this is". In the event, only a few trees were damaged.
Happy New Wacky Year. Any suggestions for overlooked candidates and categories from the one just gone will, of course, be gratefully received...
