Beef Cake In The Wok
And so to an Origin-ravaged short-round of this National Rugby League and we begin with Rabbitohs and Eels at dear old ANZ Stadium, where a 20,000-strong crowd will spread about the mega-dome like specks of fried rice stuck to the sides of the world’s biggest wok. Regardless, you can still wok on in, ha, and catch what should be a competitive game of the greatest game of all, rugby league.
Notice I did say “should be”. Because these Parramatta Eels have been two-faced all season. Early on they excited their baying band of Mexican bandit fans by flogging Manly 42-12 in round one, and then the very same South Sydney Rabbitohs 29-16 in round four. That was two months ago, both games at Pirtek Stadium. In six games since then they’ve beaten only Newcastle. And they’re half-a-million dollars over the salary cap, a good chunk of which belongs to Will Hopoate who this week is playing for someone else. This would not be hailed as accountancy best practice. Riddle me that, rugby league.
Parra’s pigs are hard and functional. Names like Watmough, Wicks and Mannah bop about among a smattering of Polynesian names littered with apostrophes. They’re a tough pack. But with Luke Kelly in the seven, Chris Sandow in reserve grade and centres Ryan Morgan and Brad Takairangi no threat of being confused for Steve Rogers and Mick Cronin any time soon, you’d favour the home team here.
Because Souths look pretty tasty, even without Adam Reynolds (injured) and Greg Inglis (Origin). Alex Johnston - who’s played for Australia but not New South Wales, it’s a silly thing - auditions in the No1 jumper for all the other clubs who’d like him to wear their No1 jumper. The salary cap spreads the love, and no argument - this is good for the comp - but not so for Souths fan watching someone else sign Alex Johnston.
A winner? Souths, surely. Luke Keary and John Sutton in the halves, George and Tom Burgess thundering up front, Johnston, Dylan Walker and Bronson Goodwin icing the mighty beef-cake. All glory to South Sydney here.
Hot Kids vs Cows “A”
Campbelltown Stadium Saturday night sees the ten-year grand final anniversary game between Wests Tigers and North Queensland Cowboys. And, while you could no sooner drag me to the joint than across a slip-n-slide strewn with shark’s teeth and lava, the joint is ready to rumble.
Or something. But if ever there’s a case for standalone State of Origin in which club teams aren’t so ravaged by representative rugby league, this is it. Because North Queensland without Matt Scott, James Tamou, free-running five-eighth Michael Morgan and the great man Johnathan Thurston isn’t North Queensland “A”. It’s the reserves. It’s Star Wars with an extra playing Han Solo and Big Bird instead of Chewbacca.
What are you gonna do? I dunno. Whinge, I suppose. Television money runs rugby league and it’s probably ever been so. One media company was dumped from outright control, another “stakeholder” takes over and tells us how rubbish it is. And we the people just eat it. And onwards we roll. Eating it.
Anyway.
Campbelltown Stadium Saturday night, and Tigers - missing a fair pair in Robbie Farah and Aaron Woods - take on Cowboys with Ray Thompson in No7. Lachlan Coote at fullback can play, and Gavin Cooper in the second-row runs hard and tidy lines. But both usually do it off Thurston. And he’ll be somewhere else. Expect the Cows to keep it simple.
And expect the Tigers to throw it about. And in the spirit of such adventure, let’s tip the home team in this fixture. Woods and Farah will be missed, because they are good. But Keith Galloway will be carting it up alongside my favourite martian Martin “Kapow” Taupau. And it’s time to shine for Future Origin Hot Kids James Tedesco, Mitchell Moses and Luke Brooks. Pat Richards will land abominations from space and not join in the half-time parade of team-mates that beat the Cows in 2005. Where are the years going? Straight to Hell, in my opinion.
Vikings To Repel Dog-Vikings
Meanwhile in Canberra the mighty Canberra Raiders will host Canterbury Bulldogs who’ll be missing Josh Jackson, David Klemmer, Trent Hodkinson, Josh Morris, Brett Morris and hope of any kind. Of course they have hope because they have a crack forward pack and a crazy man at five-eighth who’ll take his frustrated filthiness at not making the Blues Origin team onto GIO Stadium and there he’ll use it upon Raiders’ in-form gun five-eighth Blake Austin. And if Josh Reynolds doesn’t rub Austin’s face in the dirt at some stage on Sunday afternoon, you will know this: he’s had a full-on frontal lobotomy. That or the Bulldogs electrocuted him like they did to that guy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. That or … just those things. Just those things. Because Josh Reynolds is going to tear out onto GIO Stadium, and he’s going to mess things up.
But the Raiders, they’ll be aware of it. And chances are Austin, like Ragnar Lothbrok in the cracking series Vikings, will have a surprise or two of his own, and pretend to be dead and sneak into Paris and then open the gate and let in all the other Vikings and so slaughter everyone they can. Or maybe he’ll just continue what he’s done all year which is play exciting and crackerjack rugby league.
The two forward packs, apart from do-everything Irish Viking* James Graham, will cancel each other out. Shaun Fensom will top the tackle count with 872, Frank Pritchard and Tony Williams will cart the ball hard at the fringes of the Raiders man-meat, while Frank-Paul Nu’uausala, Josh Papali and Sia Soliola will form a Great Wall of Tonga. And the Raiders at home will win by 7. Or lose by 10. Who are these people? Nobody knows…
* Yes, yes, half-arsed pedant anthropologists, there are no Irish Vikings. It’s just a piece of analogous whimsy.
Knights vs Broncos: Vikings It Is Not
Monday night and Brisbane play Newcastle and you’ll watch it because it’s on unless there’s something good on SBS like Vikings. But there isn’t anything like Vikings on SBS anymore because Season Three has just finished with Ragnar Lothbrok doing that thing in Paris and then telling Floki that he knows he killed Ragnar’s friend Athelstan.
Meanwhile, Newcastle’s Hunter Stadium is free of slow-paying miner-man Nathan Tinkler for the first time since quite a long time, and the home team should win because they have lost less good players to State of Origin than ladder leaders Brisbane. This is not fair. But nor was Ragnar Lothbrok.
The Big O
And rounding out a Five Things quite nicely is State of Origin 1 at ANZ Stadium on Wednesday night and with all the hype you hope it’s going to be good. What it will likely be, however, is a hyper-physical and attritional game of human chess in which both teams try to ice the “perfect” game of set-completion and relentless brutality with a bit of hard-running and try-scoring pizazz in the other team’s Danger Zone. And repeat.
A winner? Queensland. NSW has high top-end speed in the three-quarters and some great thumping savages in the forward pack and on the bench. Their bench is like a bunch of animals.
But so is Queensland’s. And they have such a good spine that Greg Inglis has to play in the centres. That’s good spine. Johnathan Thurston and Cooper Cronk rank with any pair of halves to have played the game. And after all the maniacs up front are done bashing into each other, it’s the halves and hooker-men who’ll run the show and set the speed freaks free. And Queensland could trot out reserve halves better than NSW’s halves. And for mine, will win 20-8.
