Now then, now then, now then - watch out for burglars

Sir Jimmy Savile is associated with many things - Jim'll Fix It badges, Top of the Pops, an unfortunate penchant for lurid shell suits. One thing that does not immediately spring to mind is talking lamp-posts ... until now. The veteran DJ's voice is being broadcast from lamp-posts in parts of his home city of Leeds handing out top crime prevention tips. "Oi! Open doors, open windows. Burglars nick all the gear." Who said that? "I have to apologise to all people of a nervous disposition and children because it could cause an innocent pedestrian, suddenly having me shouting in their ear, to be startled - or even make their hair turn white and long," said Sir Jimmy. Coming soon - a Jimmy Savile burglar alarm. "What have we here? A 10-year stretch for breaking and entering, as it happens... ." Failing that, you could always bash the burglar over the head with a genuine Savile cigar. Concussion guaranteed.