If Brexit were a Shakespeare play, perhaps it would be A Comedy of Errors.
Most people would agree it certainly hasn't been As You Like It.
And if it was a Carry On episode, well, we think the characters slot straight into place.
Angela Merkel: “I have asked you all here today so we can finally solve the Brexit problem. Do you want it hard or soft?”
Boris Johnson: “Cor! Steady on, Mrs M. We barely know each other.”
Jacob Rees Mogg: “No, Boris. I believe the Reich Chancellor is simply referring to the Withdrawal Agreement.”
Boris Johnson: “Oh blast. I’m hopeless at withdrawing. Why do you think I have so many love children?”
Jacob Rees Mogg: “No, Boris. If you’d let me finish, I think our foreign visitor is simply trying to ascertain what kind of relationship we want to have in future.”
Lisa Appleton bares bum as she heads to Aintree for Ladies Day wearing LETTUCE
Boris Johnson: “Blimey. Bit forward these krauts, what?”
Angela Merkel: “Now. One last time. What do you people want from Brexit?”
Jacob Rees Mogg: “Well, if I may be frank Mrs Chancellor, I’d like nothing more than to see my overseas assets grow without anyone noticing.”
Boris Johnson: “I knew a girl overseas once who tried to grow her assets without anyone noticing. It was all going fine until she went to the beach in her bikini. Phwoar!”
Grandmother, 47, breastfeeds her daughter's 10-month-old baby
Jacob Rees Mogg: “No Boris. I’m referring to my secret holdings.”
Boris Johnson: “I know what I wanted to secretly hold. Phwoar!”
Angela Merkel: “Hang on, where is Mrs May?”
Mark Francois: “What’s that got to do with you? You’re not even British. I know 17.4 million people who don’t want you here.”
Angela Merkel: “Please, I’m not here to fight.”
Mark Francois: “Good job cos I’m a trained fighter.”
Angela Merkel: “The only thing you are fighting is your blood pressure. And judging by your face you are losing. You look like a large Bavarian ham.”
Mark Francois: “Watch it, lady. Just remember my grandad won two world wars against your mob.”
Angela Merkel: “How could I forget? You never shut up about it. Now where is Mrs May?”
Angela Leadsom: “She’s taking her coat back to Marks & Spencer to be altered.”
Angela Merkel: “I thought they altered it already.”
Angela Leadsom: “They did.”
Angela Merkel: “And?”
Angela Leadsom: “It didn’t look like any different so she’s taking it back again.”
Angela Merkel: “How many times is she going to take it back.”
Jeremy Corbyn: “Well, technically she's gone beyond the refund date. But she's hoping for an extension.”
Boris Johnson: “I knew a chap who had an extension once. Answered a spam email. Nasty business. Couldn’t play polo for weeks.”
Michael Gove: “Hi, I’m here in Theresa’s place, Mrs Merkel. Or can I call you Ange? Love your work, by the way. I’m only in her place though - not replacing her. Good Lord, no. I’d never dream of taking her job. I’m so not like that.”
Nigel Farage: “What I want to know is when are we leaving the single market?”
Boris Johnson: “Singles market? I thought you were shacked up with that little frau from Germany, Nige.
Nigel Farage: “Single market, Bozza. Not singles market. Besides, didn’t you hear? I’ve moved on to a French filly now.”
Boris Johnson: “Ah, doing the European Tour before while you still can. Good man.”
Chris Grayling: “Hey everyone, I have some exciting news. I’ve just signed a deal with a wig maker. I’m going to be supplying all their hair in future.”
Emily Thornberry: “But you don’t have any hair, Chris. How can you sign a contract to supply something when you don’t actually have it?”
Chris Grayling: “I don’t know. I didn’t actually read the contract. Just signed it, then let them fill it in for me.”
Nigel Farage: “Ah, infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me.”
Angela Merkel: “That doesn’t even make sense, Mr Farage.”
Nigel Farage: “Oh, boohoo sucks. It makes more sense than your mates in Brussels, I can tell ya. Anyway, who cares? Bollocks to Brexit. I’m going down the pub. Come on, everyone. Aaron Banks is paying. I just hope the Nag’s Head accepts roubles.”
