The daughter of one of my patients complained about her father’s lazy lifestyle. His daily routine would start with opening the door for the milkman. He would then pick up his smartphone and check it throughout the day, even while watching TV for endless hours. His mid-morning and post-lunch siestas contributed to late nights. While she continued, the 70-year-old diabetic patient remained unperturbed and told me: “I have nothing to do and don’t have any friends. I haven’t done anything other than attending to my office work and now I am leading a retired life.”
I have heard such complaints quite often from busy young professionals. The explanation given by the elderly parent is also the same — “Nothing to do and everyone at home is busy with their own lives.”
The next patient, a 60-year-old woman with high blood pressure, had always been taking care of everyone in her family. After her son moved on, she got fully involved in the care of her husband. The lifelong caregiver felt a vacuum when the husband passed away. But she reoriented her life around daily walks, singing and teaching children in the neighbourhood. Afraid of falling sick and becoming dependent, she would never miss out on her medical check-ups. When she needed a hip replacement, she went to her son in another city and after recovery, bounced back to her independent living.
The building blocks that define one’s outlook on life get assembled in the formative years. Quite often childhood is spent on following the mandatory routines. Some children with wide exposure fall under pressure to excel in everything and miss out on the joy of learning. Parents and schoolteachers play an important role in influencing the attitudes of children.
A school principal would always ask the top rankers, “Okay. Good. You have come first in class. What else have you done?” Not every topper would have an answer. She encouraged children to take part in extracurricular activities and would tell the parents, “Children who do well in everything, will do well in studies also.”
Remaining focussed on one area for a long time to the exclusion of everything else leads to a monotonous routine. If hobbies and passions are kept alive, even infrequently, they would cushion in rough times. In fact, lifestyle coaches recommend setting aside a “me-time” and maintaining a work-life balance. The advice holds true not only for those in jobs but also for homemakers. When the sole focus becomes irrelevant on retirement or when children move on, a sense of redundancy tends to creep in. A lot of effort is required to recalibrate life and find a new purpose. At such times, it helps to rekindle a hobby, learn a new skill or connect with people.
My patient and his daughter returned after a month, looking happier. He found it easy to follow my simple advice, “Don’t sit for too long in one place. Get up every 30 minutes, walk and look around.” The daughter too did her bit by engaging him in word puzzles and board games. There are umpteen ways to make life worthwhile and enjoyable. Each one has to figure out what works.
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