Marmite began taunting the public with a new product last week: Marmite peanut butter. Twitter responded in typically sanguine fashion – with the vomit emoji, a gif of Johnny Depp dry heaving, and “NO” repeated several times. Marmite’s brand manager, Camilla Williamson, called the flavour “the most exciting product launch since the conception of the brand in 1902”. Apparently, Marmite has taken the lead from punters who have been mixing these spreads on toast for ages. It assures the country that we will love it. But peanut butter and Marmite sounds like trouble, particularly when Britons tend to enjoy simpler breakfast spread combinations (butter with Marmite, butter with jam). Of course, there are plenty of alternatives, so I tried a few.
Peanut butter and jelly
Grape jelly is the traditional choice here, but it’s hard to find in the UK. I have gone with raspberry jam – and it’s delicious. The PB cushions the sharp sweetness of the jam with grounding, hearty heft. 4/5
Nutella and banana
On a conceptual level, I miss the whipped cream and buttery biscuit that this almost-banoffee-pie should come with. On a realistic level, though, it just makes me need coffee. Too rich for breakfast. 2/5
Cottage cheese and honey
Cottage cheese is the wateriest of fresh cheeses, so it can’t compete with any kind of butter – dairy, nut or otherwise. On the other hand, because it’s so light, it feels more nourishing. 3/5
Tahini and date syrup
The arthouse jewel to PBJ’s rom com goo. A hint of bitterness from the tahini, caramel notes from the date syrup. Turks pair tahini with grape molasses – an absolute must if you can find some. You can get date syrup in Sainsbury’s. 4/5
Butter and maple syrup
AKA poor man’s french toast, this is the one that makes me forget I have already eaten an entire loaf of bread. It’s perfect, which might be less down to the maple syrup, delicious though it is, and more about the butter. 5/5
Peanut butter and Marmite
It’s a struggle. An actual fight occuring in my mouth. Is it PB? Oh no, it’s Marmite! But also PB! Gah. It’s too early for this, I want to go back to bed. I agree with Twitter: #notinthesamejar, thank you please. 1/5
