Not a meal deal but a menu for the Brexit trade talks – imagined!

Scotch eggs perhaps? Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

The negotiations may be protracted and difficult, and their outcome uncertain. But neither side appears keen to enter this final round of Brexit talks on an empty stomach.

Here, Jon Henley imagines an appropriate menu for the occasion.

Dinner at the European commission, Wednesday 9 December 2020

Entrée

European vegetables matured in the back of a truck stuck on the outskirts of Calais for seven days – with sour cream

or

Scotch egg, constituting in some countries, a substantial meal

Plat principal

Sixty percent of a fresh grilled North Sea horse mackerel caught by a Danish trawler off the Northumberland coast: a fine British fish, presently and undeservedly little known in London

or

Roast beef of Olde England, hung, drawn and quartered by European butchers then lovingly done to a turn.

Both dishes served with Brussels sprouts, obviously

Pleasantly neutral. Photograph: Carrie Antlfinger/AP

Cheese

Swiss, of course, since one course at least should be neutral – a gentle reminder that the UK’s negotiations with the European Union have only just begun. Selection of innovative British chutneys.

Dessert

Fudge cake. As rich as it comes.

or

Bendy-banana split

Is there enough bend in that banana – or too much? Photograph: Purestock/Getty Images

Carriages at midnight, shut the door on your way out and for heavens sake don’t miss the one Eurostar of the day or you could be stuck here for a very long time indeed