Thanks for joining me. Bye!
Jonathan Wilson has carved out a report. Please read it.
Social media content gold.
Do you like owls?
— Everton (@Everton) June 24, 2020
John Nettles is currently doing a voiceover on a programme where people repair knackered items. Not for me.
Keane: “First half we weren’t great, we weren’t at our best.
“We changed formation at half-time and it changed how we played out from the back and allowed a midfielder to get more space.”
Norwich could have had a point from a dreadful game if they’d bothered to defend a corner.
Full-time
Another great national morale booster brought to you by Project Restart. Everton were the better side and Norwich are going down. Good to have clarity on a couple of things during these confusing times.
90+4 mins: Everton are holding the ball up in the corner. Nothing to see here.
90+2 mins: Kean drives into the box but is clipped on the edge by Cantwell. The free-kick is sent wide, though.
90 mins: Idah pings a shot from the edge of the area and earns a corner due to a deflection.
Six minutes added on.
88 mins: Norwich have a throw in the corner but when it is given back to Aarons it turns out he’s a yard offside. What a waste.
86 mins: Iwobi, who has impressed, takes it down the pitch and then waits for company, allowing Everton to run down the clock. Nothing left to see here.
Cantwell on for the final few minutes.
84 mins: Calvert-Lewin whacks a low shot from 25 yards but it’s straight at Krul.
82 mins: Pukki breaks down the right but he hands it straight back to Everton much to the chagrin of the breaking Norwich players.
80 mins: Idah is on for Hernandez as Norwich chase a goal.
Kean is on for Everton and has now been booked for a very late challenge on Vrancic.
78 mins: Norwich come alive as Pukki slips the ball through to Buendia, who goes round Pickford but is forced too wide and can’t get the ball back into the danger zone, allowing Everton’s defenders to get back in order to clear the lines.
75 mins: Everton work to calm things down by knocking it around the defence, forcing Norwich to up their game to get it back.
73 mins: Aarons wins a free-kick from Digne on the right flank. Buendia sends the ball into the box and it almost finds the net via the knee of Gomes but it goes just wide.
71 mins: Pukki and Buendia come on for Klose and Rupp. A crucial 20 minutes in Norwich’s season ...
69 mins: Iwobi sends in a perfect cross for Calvert-Lewin but the striker can only divert it wide from 10 yards out.
Drinks break.
67 mins: The ball bounces out of the box to Tettey who divs a shot from 25 yards, which Sigurdsson deflects behind.
VAR checks to see if McLean hit the ball too hard.
65 mins: The fake crowd seem to have found their voice at this crucial time for Norwich.
63 mins: Norwich need to make some changes soon, otherwise I think Everton will completely take the game away from them.
61 mins: Everton certainly on top now. Their latest corner comes from the left courtesy of Digne but Calvert-Lewin heads it calmly to the goalkeeper.
59 mins: Calvert-Lewin drives towards the box and fires a shot from 18 yards, which Krul tips over the bar. Bernardo complains that the ball was not passed to him, but it would have been a tricky one to perfect from the striker.
Mary Waltz says: “Finally, a bit of quality. Nice cross into the box, fine header by Keane. Horrible zonal marking by Norwich but as a Everton fan I will ignore that.”
57 mins: Really commendable stuff from Norwich’s defence who completely fail to pick up a 6ft4 centre back six yards from their own goal. I think they might be going down.
GOAL! Norwich 0-1 Everton (Keane, 55)
Everton get a corner, which Digne swings in from the right towards the six-yard box where Keane is waiting to flick it into the far corner. Dreadful defending from Norwich.
Updated
53 mins: Norwich cannot clear the ball, instead on two occasions they just kick it straight at an opponent. Do not worry, though, as Everton have just whacked it straight out of play.
Watching this just makes me fear for my return to five-a-side after six months away.
51 mins: This is frightfully mediocre. Missplaced passes and sending the ball as far back as you can.
49 mins: Duda swings in a corner from the left but, naturally, it is cleared by the first man.
47 mins: A lively start as Everton push forward quickly, with Richarlison receiving the ball in the box but his shot is blocked behind by Aarons.
Second half
Things can only get better.
Sigurdsson is on for Everton. Davies off.
I might stick with the Thatcher doco, to be honest.
23 mins: Scargill has a dig from distance ... denied!
A positive move from the Premier League.
Get this in your ears.
Half-time
Pickford makes his first save of the half by palming away Rupp’s 25-yard strike just prior to the break. A quiet opening 45 minutes overall. At least the weather is nice.
45 mins: Two minutes added on.
44 mins: Richarlison finally has an impact but it results in him being penalised for a high foot on Godfrey.
42 mins: The ref has a word with Davies for a foul on McLean. Duda takes it again - it is better but the goalkeeper still claims it.
40 mins: Iwobi is penalised for doing little to nothing, causing Ancelotti to wave his arms in annoyance.
Duda takes the free-kick but sends it straight out of play in an embarrassing fashion.
38 mins: Tettey tries to thread the ball through the defence but instead sends it out for a goal-kick.
I am starting think about what the Hairy Bikers made on the programme on before this. I bet it included a pie.
36 mins: Slick work from Everton allows Iwobi to dink a cross to the back post for Digne to head back into the danger zone but it is read by Godfrey and whacked away. Everton are trying to speed the play up, it would seem.
34 mins: Norwich try to be cute on the left touchline but overplay it in the end. Eventually, Lewis to smacks it up the line without aim.
32 mins: Duda is taken down by Holgate 22 yards from goal to earn Norwich a free-kick. He gets up to take it himself but then remembers that he is a Norwich player and whacks it against the knees of the wall.
30 mins: Stephen Carr (not that one) responds (26 mins): “I’m not that one but I’d be keen to establish if Jonathan gets out of hours access to Tandys just like Alan did.”
Pearce can do what he wants. He would refuse to drive a Mini Metro.
28 mins: If I forget to change the channel at half-time, I will end up watching ‘Thatcher: A Very British Revolution’ which would be disastrous for my personal morale.
26 mins: Pickford is looking into the sun and does not have a cap! Dangerous.
Calvert-Lewin spins 20 yards from goal but drills his shot straight into the arms of Krul.
Stephen Carr (maybe that one) emails in to say: “I don’t know if this is a coincidence but Jonathan Pearce’s commentary on this game has gone ‘Full Partridge’.” I think it is deliberate, but who knows?
24 mins: Jonathan Pearce spends the drinks break doing his best Partridge. Surprised he missed out the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre.
22 mins: Norwich are growing in confidence, which is good to see. Hopefully they will offer more intent.
Drinks break.
What’s your drink of choice Richarlison? “Me, lager. Finchy, Lager. Gareth, lager sometimes cider, so different drinks for different... needs.”
20 mins: Lewis swings a cross to the back post where fellow full-back Aarons is waiting but his header into the centre of the box is pathetic, allowing Everton to clear.
18 mins: Oof! Hernandez cuts in from the left, goes on a zany dribble before getting a shot away from the edge of the area which is deflected by a defender towards the bottom corner but Pickford pushes it behind. Norwich then take a woeful corner which does not beat the first man.
Updated
16 mins: I must say, I admire the Playmobil stylings of Michael Keane’s hair. Solid.
Calvert-Lewin spins, knocks the ball past Klose but is then cleaned out by the defender on the halfway line.
14 mins: Iwobi beats the defender, pulls the back but Tettey is there to meet it. Sadly, for the Norwich man, he passes it straight back to the winger who cannot make the most of it in the box.
12 mins: Everton are on top here and look like they will be quite happy to keep the ball and move it side to side to create openings. Coleman almost gets on the end of a chip over the top but it just eludes him and bounces out of play.
10 mins: Digne gets down the line and whips in a cross, which is cleared. Another cross is sent in soon after but Calvert-Lewin gets under it and heads the ball straight to Krul.
8 mins: Krul takes a poor touch when receiving a backpass but saves himself just in time as he whacks it clear before Calvert-Lewin can get to the ball.
6 mins: I suspect the Canaries will just be desperate to be more solid than they were against Southampton at the weekend when they were cut open repeatedly.
Holgate takes the ball up the pitch unchallenged but ruins it all by sending his through ball straight to Krul.
4 mins: A bit of a slow start with Everton looking slight brighter than Norwich.
2 mins: The teams swapped ends before kick-off. Maybe the sun is in the ‘keeper’s eyes at one end.
Kick-off
Peep! Peep! Peep! Here we go!
Dion Dublin says Norwich have a great chance of getting a result tonight. Although, he also said I could make a 20% profit on a semi-detached house in Nuneaton and he was very wrong with that one.
Ooooh Andre.
For André Gomes - obviously @Will_Unwin https://t.co/diWvl4jfBf
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) June 24, 2020
Ancelotti is wearing a long sleeve jumper, which is madness in this weather.
Ezra emails to say: “Looking at Everton’s bench is a who’s who of nostalgia - I remember Maarten Sketelenburg in 2010 guarding the Dutch goal en route to the World Cup Final, Cuco Martina from his wonder goal for Southampton against Arsenal and Gylfi Sigurdsson’s heroics at Swansea.”
A Panini sticker book of fun.
Everton are wearing their pink away kit. It’s yellow v pink, which makes me think of ...
Is anyone going to try and watch the four games simultaneously? I feel it would be pretty tricky.
Might explain why he is on the bench.
28 - Excluding penalties, Norwich’s Teemu Pukki hasn’t scored with any of his last 28 shots in the Premier League since netting against Leicester in December. Bench. pic.twitter.com/doYFKN1g7g
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) June 24, 2020
BBC go straight in with a discussion about crowd noise. Lads, you’ve got half an hour. Engage me.
Matt emails to say: “As an Everton supporter I feel compelled to note that even though they are currently in 12th, a win will put them temporarily in 10th, ahead of Arsenal, and they still have to play Wolves, Spurs, and Sheffield United. This is my long way of saying Europe isn’t out of the question just yet. Grasping at straws, perhaps, but we have to take what we can get in these unprecedented times.”
You’re very welcome to grasp but it does not help my lazy narrative.
Updated
The Hairy Bikers: Best of British, followed by Premier League football on BBC 2. Maybe this is the future. Mary Berry’s Jolly Good Bakes, then West Ham v Crystal Palace. Perfect with a half pint of cider.
Everton players are, supposedly, fighting for their future, according to Seamus Coleman.
No Anthony Gordon today, he is replaced by Bernard, meaning the Everton bench is youthful. Good to see Ancelotti is sticking with the two ‘keepers on the bench, too. Always good to have spares.
It is absolutely boiling at 5.15pm. I think the players will be very grateful of the drinks breaks during the evening’s game. I know I will be.
Everton go with some early Partridge ...
☀️ | It's hotter than the sun!*
— Everton (@Everton) June 24, 2020
*𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 28°𝘊 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘩 😅 pic.twitter.com/YV9Ja04iUf
Get in the mood for the game by watching Howard Kendall break the Carrow Road bench back in the day.
Teams
Norwich: Krul, Aarons, Godfrey, Klose, Lewis, Tettey, McLean, Rupp, Duda, Hernandez, Drmic
Subs: McGovern, Vrancic, Leitner, Cantwell, Buendia, Stiepermann, Trybull, Pukki, Idah
Everton: Pickford, Coleman, Keane, Colgate, Digne, Iwobi, Andre Gomes, Davies, Bernard, Richarlison, Calvert-Lewin
Subs: Stekelenburg, Virginia, Baines, Sigurdsson, Kean, Cuco Martina, Baningime, Branthwaite, Gordon
Preamble
Good evening!
The Guardian are testing me to see if my capabilities include switching channels at half-time. BBC have one of their four free-to-air games on but failed to schedule it properly, so the first half will be on BBC Two and the second on BBC One due to something called the news. Surely there is no news to report bigger than Norwich v Everton!
Speaking of capabilities, we will find out if Norwich have any hope of surviving in the Premier League. They are currently six points adrift of safety and have shown no indication that they might be able to close the gap on equally mediocre teams such as West Ham and Bournemouth. At least they play nice football, which is something.
Carlo Ancelotti will have been pleased with his side’s point against Liverpool in a dreadful Merseyside derby. The Italian also pointed the way forward with the inclusion of Anthony Gordon in his midfield. There is little of note to play for in the remaining games for Everton and plenty of other talented youngsters keen on showing they can make a full impact next season.
Let’s hope the licence fee payer gets a cracker.
Kick-off 6pm (BST).
