The Northern Territory attorney general has resigned as an ambassador for an anti-domestic violence body White Ribbon after telling a female MP he was “really tempted to give her a slap” during a heated debate.
John Elferink resigned after the organisation told him to step down or be stood down, Guardian Australia understands.
“It is for the sake and integrity of the White Ribbon organisation that I had to hand back the role of ambassador,” Elferink wrote in his letter of resignation to the organisation.
His resignation came after the NT treasurer told women to “toughen up princess” after they complained slap comment, said during question time.
During late sittings on Wednesday evening Elferink grew frustrated at the interjections of Labor opposition MP, Natasha Fyles, and said “I am really tempted to give her a slap - figuratively speaking.”
The following morning he refused to apologise and accused Labor of making political capital out of a beat up, but within an hour changed his mind and apologised “unreservedly” at the opening of parliament.
However he also sought to explain the statement as a “metaphor” comparable to politicians referring to “attacking the opposition” or the media writing that someone “lashed out.”
Elferink is a former police officer and an ambassador for White Ribbon, a male-led movement aiming to end men’s violence against women.
At lunch time on Thursday female Labor MPs and cross benchers joined forces to call for Elferink’s resignation or sacking, with Fyles telling media “when a perpetrator says sorry it doesn’t erase their actions”.
“That was my workplace and I was bullied, and I was threatened with a violent act,” said Fyles.
A subsequent attempt to censure the government was defeated 12-12, but during debate numerous MPs stood to speak, including treasurer David Tollner who defended Elferink and said the controversy was a “storm in a teacup.”.
“He is an honourable and decent human being,” said Tollner, who was forced to resign as deputy chief last year after it emerged he directed homophobic insults at a colleague’s staffer who was also the son of another MP.
“We have got to get back into the business of governing. This whole culture of victimhood is just getting beyond the pale. Everybody’s striving to be a victim now.”
“I certainly wouldn’t have [apologised]. I would have said ‘toughen up, princess’, this is politics. This is a tough debate.”
Tollner also spoke about parliamentary privilege and freedom of speech, suggesting Elferink should have been able to express himself “without fear or favour.”
“This isn’t a place where people walk around on eggshells, worrying if you’re going to offend the other side,” he said.
“We talk in reference to violence I suppose because this whole place is set up on the idea that we’re going to have violent debate, and that is the strength of the democracy and something that we as parliamentarians should be proud of.”
“I’m proud we can come in here and call each other names,” he continued.
The comments by Elferink, and now Tollner, have angered anti-violence groups.
“I would not be surprised with anything that comes out of the mouth of Dave Tollner,” Charlie King, and ABC radio broadcaster, White Ribbon ambassador, and head of the No More campaign against family violence told Guardian Australia.
“The attorney general’s comments serve to illustrate why Australia has such a tolerant attitude towards family violence. It’s at the core of our culture that people at the highest level can make comments that support violence against women and male privilege.”
“Domestic violence starts with the attitudes and belief that men have rights over women and can use these rights to intimidate and harm women.”
King said he had spoken with Elferink, and was disappointed with his fellow White Ribbon ambassador. He said the comment should never have occurred to Elferink in the first place, and could not be explained away as “figurative” speech.
“Who hears ‘figuratively speaking’? People hear ‘slap in the face.’ I worry what message that sends to young people we’ve been working with for many years and old men whose attitude we’ve been trying to change.”
King, whose organisation works primarily with sporting groups to tackle attitudes towards family violence perpetrated by themselves and others, said the incident had set back years of progress.
He urged people, particularly men, not to be “bystanders” and to call out violence and violent language when they witnessed it.
“I’m not afraid of anybody who talks about being violent towards women,” he said. I will call them out. I made that commitment to myself some years ago.
“Your silence only lets this continue.”
As part of the No More campaign sporting teams linking arms on the pitch to say “no more” to family violence. King called on the chief minister to honour a commitment he made some weeks ago for parliamentarians to do the same on the floor of the house.
The Northern Territory has the highest rate of family and domestic violence in the country.
A parliamentary inquiry in March heard services in the territory were overrun and under-resourced, with one Darwin refuge having turned away 211 families in the previous six months alone – more than it took in.
Numerous witnesses from across the government, police and the services sector said a change in society’s attitude towards domestic violence was a key measure to address the issue.
During the censure motion, Fyles had earlier told the house: “Violence is not only physical. It is verbal and psychological.”
The opposition leader, Michael Gunner, said those opposite had demonstrated “minimisation, reduction, all things we tell people not to accept when standing up to violence.”
Government whip, Lia Finocchiaro, accused Labor of “playing the gender card” and said their response undermined women.
