A non-binary Scots cop has opened up about life fighting crime on the frontline a year after making the massive decision on their identity.
Codi, who was born in a female body, said from a young age they had been branded 'a tomboy' and it was only after joining the ranks of Police Scotland that life-changing decisions were made.
In an emotional online blog Codi told of their struggles growing up and how even a reflection of themselves in a mirror caused pain in a hope to 'educate' people.
Non-binary people identify as neither male or female and see gender as a spectrum.
Codi wrote on the Police Scotland LGBTI blog: "I was forever climbing trees, I lived in sports clothes and I constantly told my Mum that I wanted to shave my head.
"As a compromise I just wore my hair in a ponytail through a baseball cap instead. Even from that young age I was confused by my gender.
"I began to grow a chest, and the hatred I felt towards this part of my body intensified as I continued to age.
"I wore the tightest sports bras I could with the baggiest of t-shirts in a desperate bid to conceal them.
"My chest has always been something I felt didn’t fit how I should look. It didn’t seem like I was looking in the mirror at the image I had of myself in my head.
"Life just seemed that it would have been much simpler if I had born more in a male body. Then I would be ‘normal’ and I could just be me."
Codi suffered doubts about their identity for years, saying they had to 'hide' themselves and wear more feminine clothes.
They have been given a referral to a top Edinburgh clinic for talks about 'top surgery' on the breasts.
Codi added: "I queried if I might be transgender but deep down I knew I didn't really want to be a boy. Who was I meant to be?
"During that whole time, my gender identity had to take a backseat as I couldn’t outwardly show who I truly was or we would be caught, everyone would know I was gay (well that's what I said to myself in my head anyways).
"So I dressed like a stereotypical girl with dresses and heels, I wore make up and I lied about having boyfriends to help keep up appearances.
"Putting it mildly- I hated myself for it. I hated every second I wasn’t me. I hated all the lies I spun. But it helped keep my secret."
Joining the police aged 19 began a change in Codi that lead them to living a life more comfortable.
Codi then left a relationship with a girlfriend that proved a turning point.
They added: "I then fully started to be a truer version of myself. I cut my hair short, I wore male clothing.
"Society's urge to place me in a box meant I was labelled as a 'butch lesbian' but I knew it wasn't that simple so I shunned such terms.
"I felt I didn't fit into any boxes. I was just being me.
"Over the years I had other failed relationships, other negative experiences with homophobia but it made me more resilient.
"I had heard that Police Scotland were introducing gender neutral headwear for officers and this really intrigued me. I was more frequently hearing terms like 'non-binary' and 'gender neutral.'
"I started reading everything I could about it, researching it. I never knew anyone who identified this way but when I read about it, something just clicked.
"I would say I would rather not be in a box, but if I was ever going to be then non-binary would be it. I see gender as being like a spectrum in the same way I view sexuality.
"I just fit somewhere on the spectrum between male and female. It finally made sense."
In March, 2019 singer Sam Smith declared themselves as non-binary saying they felt 'neither male nor female'.
This provided inspiration for Codi, who added: "Not long after, Sam Smith came out as non binary and having that visible public presence reassured me that there were others like me.
"After hiding my sexuality for so long I decided that this wasn't something I would hide now I was sure as to how I wanted the world to see me.
"I didn't want to live life as two people so it was massively important to me that work would allow me to be openly out as a non binary officer."
Codi spoke with police bosses who put special measures in place including not having to conduct searches and being given a 'gender neutral hat'.
They added: "(My DI) took her time to understand how I felt, she researched non-binary and made sure I felt in control at every step.
"My family and friends reassured me that they loved me for me so to them it didn't matter, even when I changed my name to something gender neutral, Codi.
"Police Scotland continued to support me, providing me with my all important gender neutral hat, making considerations for me having access to gender neutral facilities and agreeing policies for me.
"For example, it was decided that I would no longer search individuals so I am not placed in a position where I feel forced to reveal my body parts to justify a search."
Codi is now in a new relationship and says they have never been happier.
They added: "I now wear a binder to give me the appearance of a flatter chest so I can fit the clothes I feel most comfortable wearing better.
"It has made such a difference and everyone describes how I have been 'glowing' since I came out.
"I have also been referred to the Chalmers Clinic in Edinburgh and I will hopefully be seen there in 2022 to discuss having 'top surgery.'
"I have had lots of people speak to me and tell me they feel the same but wouldn't be brave enough to take the leap that I did and that saddens me."
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