When it comes to parenting, we’re all a different stages and exploring unique situations.
Each family unit has its own culture and set of values that will steer their way of dealing with issues when they arise.
However, the following six points underpin the fundamentals of most parenting situations and remain front and centre when searching for solutions to the majority of situations.
READ MORE: How to talk to your child about their gender identity
You can join in the conversation and share your own parenting tips in our comments section.
Make sure children know they’re loved and safe
Hugs and praise are currency. No matter what issues you’re facing with your kids. Ensure that they always know you care and that you’re there for them.
Issues are going to arise, and problems will pop up and get in your way almost every day. That’s the very nature of life. If you’ve curated a relationship where your child is scared to come and talk to you when you’re busy or stressed, then you’re in dangerous territory.
If your child(ren) don’t feel like they can come to you, they’ll be looking to seek out a connection with someone who they feel understands them and is there for them. As a result they could find themselves in quite vulnerable positions.
Be honest with them
We all get things wrong and shout sometimes. Be open with your family about your feelings. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m finding things really hard today.”
No-one needs to do anything. You’re just making people aware that you may not react to things the way you wish and intend to, today.
No crimes are committed when you admit that you’re not feeling the best version of yourself. There are crimes committed in relationships when you swallow your reality in order to live up to someone else perfect version of you. Even with your children.
Make an effort to connect with them
If you’re teens don’t have regular hobbies they enjoy and put energy into, there are lots of undesirable things they can find to do with their time.
Teenagers generally want to do their own thing, and very few adults actually like to spend their free time on floating inflatable assault courses, fishing trips, rock climbing, skateboarding, zip wiring etc.
But doing regular activities together is invaluable, for any relationship.
Set clear boundaries
Choose your battles. If one of your kids isn’t academic, you’re going to be exhausted trying to enforce sky high grades in every subject and carrying out punishments for anything less.
You can tailor boundaries for each child without being unfair. A simple checklist of tasks to complete each day.
Even the most lenient parents can set clear boundaries. For example, getting in trouble in school is completely unacceptable.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself first
The phrase “happy mum, happy kids” is no joke. We all want to be the very best parents for our kids, and if that means you need to get to the gym three times a week, get your nails done once a fortnight and get away for the odd holiday with friends or your partner, then it’s absolutely paramount that you do so.
And make space for your partner or co-parent to do the same.
Enjoy your life and be selfish at times
You can’t exist in survival mode.
If you find yourself unable to carve out enough space to enjoy the beauty in your life, then you need to drop what you’re doing and really look at what you can remove from your list of responsibilities.
There is little point in “doing it all” if you’re unhappy and exhausted. Give up work to spend time with your kids while they’re small, if that's what you want. Don’t take them to extra curricular activities that drain the life out of you, or hang out with people who don’t nourish you.
Dump that job/partner/friend/activity/commitment without hesitation. Consistently think about who you want to be, how you want to be able to show up in your life and what you wish to achieve. Be selfish!
No one ever tells parents (particularly women) to be selfish, but you absolutely should. In your one and only short life you should be doing (at least, some) things that you enjoy.
No-one ever looked back and said they’re really glad they worked 40 hours a week while battling to make their baby sleep in they’re own bed.
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