I tell you what, I particularly like that Big Break show, uniting my love of both snooker and Jim Davidson. You actually love Jim Davidson?
With a passion. Doesn't everyone? Well, er, not exactly. At least not Suzi Perry, his co-star in Homeward Bound for Christmas, a hil-ar-i-ous BBC variety-show romp set on board the Royal Navy carrier HMS Invincible.
Suzi Perry? What's she got that I haven't? Well, for starters she's a busty, flaxen-haired ex-model with a dazzling knowledge of superbike racing.
I see. And Jim goes for that kind of bird, does he? You could say that. Poor old Jim got himself shambolically drunk trying to woo his lady-love.
Well, it is a foolproof pulling technique. Sadly not in this case. Jim, who gave up the booze in 1994, leapt off the wagon in an effort to impress the lovely Suzi. But stunner Suzi claimed that she had absolutely no idea he had the hots for her.
Perhaps Jim's approach was too subtle? Or perhaps not. He even wrote her a love letter, but then admitted that he was so gone it looked as if it had been written by a six-year-old.
Smiling through the tears. And when he saw Suzi dancing with another member of the crew who was, inexplicably, clad as Elvis, he cried: "Oh no, she doeshn't love me, and she'sh left me for Elvis."
I notice Jim was slurring by this stage. Mmm, yes, in fact the funny man claims: "I had only ever been that drunk once before - and that was from 1971 until 1990."
Side-splitting. So why did he give up the bottle? Jim readily admits that his drinking hasn't helped his previous marriages.
Marriages? Plural? Oh yes, very plural. There have been four Mrs Davidsons. And not one of them could tolerate the birds and the booze.
Funny that. Bloody hysterical.
