Bono
What is it of? Bono, the leader of the free world lead singer of the rock group U2, who’s had a spot of bother with accidents and downloads recently. He also NEVER takes his sunglasses off.
Use it to say “Currently feeling as smug as someone who thinks they can save the world by forcibly ramming their album on to everyone’s iTunes.”
Grumpy cat
What is it of? Grumpy cat is the world’s grumpiest cat! It’s also the basis for a large amount of social media jokes, exchanges and subsequent merchandise sales.
Use it to say “I never want to see another lame internet meme as long as I live.”
Troll
What is it of? A popular 1970s toy (which had a bit of bump back to popularity in the 00s). Also the name for an internet user who chooses to deliberately anger and antagonise others.
Use it to say “I didn’t really mean that, I was just trying to get a rise. Please don’t send me to prison.”
Hipster
What is it of? With a big beard, wire-rim glasses and a plaid shirt, the hipster may look like a 19th-century lumber worker but is most likely to be employed by an internet marketing agency making grumpy cat gifs. With their earnings they choose to buy consumer goods that are often artisanal and always overpriced.
Use it to say “Excuse me, does your kobe burger come with tempura pickles?”
No wifi
What is it of? It’s the sign for a wireless signal, with a big red line through it that means no. Like, duh
Use it to say “At my nan’s house. Send me a telegram.”
Movember
What is it of? Every November, men solicit sponsorship money from their friends in exchange for allowing their upper lips to do what comes naturally, grow a moustache. The results are not always successful
Use it to say “Please don’t be rude to me. It’s for charity.”
Shower cry
What is it of? The most private cry of all. When you’re too upset to hold it all in, but don’t want anyone to know and want the tears to be indistinguishable from tap water. Tobias used to do this on Arrested Development.
Use it to say “No one understands me! And not only that, I’ve run out of Radox and I’m having to use my flatmate’s medicated shampoo.”
Norovirus
What is it of? Sometimes known as the Winter Vomiting Bug, usually by those who haven’t got it and therefore aren’t spending their entire time vomiting, it’s a blight on this time of year.
Use it to say “It’s coming out both ends at the moment, so probably best we reschedule that date until I’ve got the energy to disinfect my bathroom.”
Kim Kardashian
What is it of? You know who she is.
Use it to say “This might not break the internet but it will almost certainly give you intense pain in the lower lumbar region.”
