I’ll not waste too much of your time here. There is nothing funnier than an obnoxious dad, three beers in at a barbecue, dominating the kids’ trampoline, only to misstep and get his scrotum pinched in the springs. Nothing. It is comedy perfection. The slapstick physicality, the status drop, the schadenfreude. *chef’s kiss*
Unfortunately, these clips are harder to come across that you’d think. And, if you do a Google search for “scrotal pinch” you’re in for a bit of spice. I expect most of these wonders are locked deep in a dusty vault in the basement at Channel Nine. The only way it might be opened is if Shelley Craft and Toni Pearen meet by the midnight moon and chant the spell: “You’re dinky-di true blue, the funny things you do. Australia, Australia, this is you.” Then combine their separate halves of the only key that opens the lock. (If you did not live through the 90s in Australia you won’t get this reference, and I can’t help you.)
Luckily though, the internet is riddled with a lot of deserving second placers. It’s quite impossible to definitively say these are the funniest things I have ever seen on the internet. The internet is infinite, as is my capacity to forget what I have seen on it. Concerningly even recently. I might need to see a doctor. But this is, without question, a list of the funniest things I have seen on the internet since I was told I was to write this piece.
1. Average Fashion Blogger melts down over Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
Closely following the “trampoline accident” genre is the “mental/emotional meltdown about the most trivial things” genre. Humour in this space is not uncommon. It’s why we’ve seen a spike in mums posting videos of comical toddler tantrums. (Please let me take this opportunity to say, you’re not special and nor is your child.) Kids lose their minds about trivial things all the time, that’s their shtick. It can be funny, sure. But I’m talking about a grown woman who is in control of her reactions but chooses to lean into her crazy just enough, and then post it on the internet. Average Fashion Blogger is an account I follow for just this reason and this is one of my favourites from her.
2. Cleveland bear sighting
It’s the re-creation of the bear retreating from the woods that has earned this pure stupidity a place on the list.
3. Redfern Electrical
John Cruickshank is a genius. Wait for the end of this video. Then go and follow him on everything.
4. This version of the drawing scene in Titanic
Just stupid. Deliciously stupid.
5. Chubby puss trying to fly
Look, I’m not laughing at this cat, I’m laughing with him. It’s hard to get air. I feel ya. Keep dreaming big, little guy.
6. Saint Hoax
You’re probably already following Saint Hoax. Hilarious takes on pop culture with a political edge. Timely, topical, sophisticated stupidity.
7. Instatituss
Tituss Burgess is a broadway legend and was nominated for all the awards for playing Tituss Andromedon on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. It’s his swooning at the hint of drama that really makes me giggle. I particularly enjoy his prayers to Jesus as he confesses he has “back sliddin’” on his journey to health and swigs from a motor oil bottle. Please enjoy.
8. Raccoons
This is one of the original and best, but just run a search on raccoon vids and you’ll come up with the goods. Raccoons are just funny. They have funny bones. I believe them to be the funniest of all the non-monkey, land-dwelling mammals.
If you were wondering: funniest monkey = baby chimp, funniest water-based = cuddly sting ray, bird = cockatoo (for the walk, like they’ve pooped their pants), reptile = Galapagos tortoise when they smile. Take your disagreements elsewhere, my mind is made up!
9. Melissa McCarthy-induced bloopers
Bow down to the queen. The intensity, the unhinged-ness, the inappropriateness. All delivered in this magical moment of flow from the bloopers reel of This Is 40, as though she is channelling a higher power of comedy gold.
And then the reactions! A lot of people say breaking in comedy is a cheap laugh and is unprofessional. And yes, it can be. But watching someone genuinely trying to pull themselves back from the edge of breaking is one of my absolute favourite things. It’s the closest thing I can find that encapsulates that feeling of hysteria when the vice-principal drags you and your friends to the office for putting bubble bath in the D Block fountain. And she’s going ballistic but her shoes are covered in bubbles and you have to suck in some deep ones to try not to absolutely wet yourself. That’s where Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd understandably find themselves at this point, and it’s exquisite.
10. Cockatoo rage (language warning!)
This is also how I feel about caging wild birds. I’m not proud of how much I laughed at this.
• Nikki Britton is performing at the Melbourne international comedy festival from 25 March until 18 April and the Sydney comedy festival from 22 April to 24 April
