To use Gen Z vernacular, I feel seen. As someone who refuses to attend baby showers, has never understood the appeal of David Bowie or why Richard Osman seems to be a 21st-century deity in this country, Nicky Haslam’s cheerfully bitchy “Even More Things Nicky Haslam Finds Common” tea towel, both inset right, is life-affirming. Side note: the word “common” is obviously horribly snobby, I would prefer “vulgar” or “basic” next time, please.
It’s the second time the interior designer has released the gloriously snarky merch (which can be yours for £28; £38 if you want it signed). His derision, of course, is deliberately goading. The chances are you will be guilty of nearly all Haslam’s crimes of vulgarity — and that is exactly the point. To give you a flavour of his 2019 gripes (the last time he released a tea towel), Haslam deemed signet rings, Farrow & Ball, sorbet, conservatories, “tours of the house” and exclamation marks, crass! Other entries which perhaps haven’t aged so well in a global pandemic: rinsing fruit and “washing hands after loo”. He also took offence to palm trees, initials on shirts and “having guests remove their shoes”.
This year’s list of grievances are a mixed bag. As well as baby showers, Instagrams of David Bowie and Richard Osman, swimming with dolphins and celebrity ambassadors feature. As do two-bite canapes and people who say “I hate having my photo taken”. So far, so reasonable.
We stray into questionable territory with “being teetotal” (recovering alcoholics and the general health conscious probably disagree), vegetables “from our garden” (aggressively smug but sustainability is generally considered a good thing, no?) and “out of office” email replies (usually necessary but incredibly irritating if they involve any attempt at humour). His contempt for side plates has thrown me and I’m not sure why he’s made chillies his enemy. Anyone?
I’d like to add in some early suggestions for next year’s “Even More Things Nicky Haslam Finds Common” tea towel, if I may: gender-reveal parties, kitchen islands and people who say “let’s just have some picky bits”. Do you have any ideas? Tweet us @eveningstandard
