Unmissable show?
I don’t know (or care) if there’s an equivalent in your world, but we have a show called Old Stuff Roadshow, where creatures show off the paintings they stole in the war. You get quite a lot of really old furniture on it, mostly made from my dead relatives, which gives me a chance to laugh at their misfortune and reflect on how much better I’ve done than them at living. I quite enjoy that… in so far as I enjoy anything.
Earliest TV memory?
Well, we’ve had television here since before we had fire, so my earliest memory is a show called Fruitlessly Banging Rocks Together, in which a man tried and failed to set light to some dried leaves. It ran for 48 series until he finally succeeded, then immediately… Well, let’s just say that he fell forward while celebrating and it did not end well.
Guilty Pleasure?
Probably Storage Wars. No one knows how the wars started, but they raged for three quillennia, until the Drawerfolk finally killed the last of the Cupboardons. Storage Wars is a gritty documentary series that tells the story of the conflict, with battle re-enactments so realistic that 4,000 actors were killed making it. Oh, and I don’t mind Take Me Out, the reality show about hitmen.
Bring back?
The great thing about being miserable is that you’re really glad to see the back of everything, so miss nothing. But I suppose I had a mild affection for Strictly Mum Dancing because the host just told everyone off all the time, which is what I want to do. It’s a shame it ended the way it did, but they had always been clear that it was “strict”.
[Note: the show was cancelled when it was discovered that series six winner Gloria Hole wasn’t really a mum and had crafted fake children out of dried peat. She was shot.]
Pitch us a TV show?
No. Think of your own.
Yonderland returns on Monday, 8pm, Sky1
