Perhaps you’ve already read elsewhere in this paper that a raft of funky new words have been added to the Cambridge dictionary.
Then again, such is the unmissable, compelling nature of the Tuesday column, you probably ignore everything else that is going on in the world and turn straight to this back page tour de force.
Anyway, these neologisms form part of a selection of entries that confirms the growing influence of the TikTok generation on the English language in this flabbergasting age of modern mass communication.
So, the next time you have a game of Scrabble, that delightfully languid lexical pursuit that often lasts longer than test match cricket but is marginally more entertaining, you could steal a march on Doreen and Alec by lobbing in the word ‘skibidi’.
Apparently, you can use ‘skibidi’ in a sentence such as, ‘what the skibidi are you doing?’.
Always a man to embrace the zeitgeist, one presumes the sports editor will transition to this cutting-edge term after years of reading the opening meanderings of this column and sighing, ‘what the **** are you doing?’
We didn’t need to consult the Cambridge dictionary to gauge Robert MacIntyre’s mood after the Scot lost out to the world No 1 and new Open champion, Scottie Scheffler, in the BMW Championship.
“Really p***ed off,” hissed a seething MacIntyre after watching his four-shot overnight lead evaporate.
There is, of course, no shame in finishing second to Scheffler. The man is a winning machine.
I reckon one of these days he’s actually going to unclip his face to reveal a complex tangle of wires, circuit boards and flashing, light-emitting diodes.
You can never have a big enough lead in this game, especially when you’ve got someone like Scheffler lurking. It’s the golfing equivalent of walking nervously down a dimly lit alley and hearing a bin lid crashing to the ground behind you. You can easily get spooked.
Despite MacIntyre’s obvious disappointment, it was another fine weekend for Scottish golf across the board.
David Law, the resurgent Aberdonian, claimed his second win of the season on the HotelPlanner Tour as he bounded to the top of the circuit’s rankings and moved to the brink of a swift return to the main DP World Tour.
California-based Scot, Niall Sheils Donegan, meanwhile, enjoyed a rousing run to the semi-finals of the US Amateur Championship, a performance that was rewarded yesterday with a call-up to the GB&I Walker Cup team for next month’s contest with the USA at Cypress Point.
Talking of team tussles, MacIntyre’s finish in Maryland confirmed his automatic qualification for the European Ryder Cup team.
By all accounts, September’s showdown at Bethpage Park in rowdy New York state is going to be so boisterous, it’ll probably ping the needles on the seismometers at the US Geological Survey.
The general volume has been cranked up at certain events on the PGA Tour recently with partisan bellowings, goadings and jeerings from the sidelines being directed at European players.
MacIntyre himself got embroiled in some parrying and jousting with a fan at the weekend.
“You give me crap, I'll give you crap back, I'm not scared of that,” the Scot said in the aftermath of his third round. Will those words come home to roost at Bethpage? Quite possibly.
In these fevered times, folk are already girding their loins with a sense of foreboding for a repeat of the infamous scenes that marred the notorious Battle of Brookline in 1999.
The abuse, for instance, that poor old Colin Montgomerie received back then was so relentless and vile, his 70-year-old dad had to walk in after just a few holes.
“These people shouldn't be allowed to go to golf tournaments,” said Monty’s team-mate, Paul Lawrie, at the time.
Here in 2025, when major occasions can often be less sporting events and more wild social bonanzas, we can only wonder what lows those fuelled by beer and bravado will plumb. The standard of the repartee, after all, doesn’t tend to be critically acclaimed.
We all know that this fraught, compelling and highly charged team contest gives golf, both on and off the course, the opportunity to burst from its straitjacket. There’s nothing wrong with pumped up passion. But there’s a limit.
As one, authoritative sportswriter once scribbled: “Sport is the medium, ‘act like a t*** at the office Christmas do’ is the message. The modern fan is expected to bring something more to the party than quiet enthusiasm and deep subject knowledge; they must come ready to demonstrate their ‘Passion For Sport’.”
I’m not wanting to sound like some Victorian puritan here but the behaviour at certain events is not just contrary to golf’s established and cherished codes of conduct and etiquette, it’s a sign of what’s increasingly acceptable, or at least tolerated, in sporting audiences.
It wasn’t like this in the good old days. Then again? Back in 1870, when the dash and vigour of Young Tom Morris stirred the public’s imagination and he became the game's first superstar, The Open attracted a vociferous gathering of spectators to the links of Prestwick.
According to the newspaper reports of the time, many of the onlookers were ‘clearly completely new to the sport’ and ‘decidedly unruly in most part.’
Sound familiar? The uncouth golfing halfwit is not a new phenomenon it seems.
Perhaps there are a few more words to describe them in that Cambridge dictionary?
