When it comes to general admin, I’m pretty hopeless. The desk I work at in my house, for instance, gets so dishevelled it ends up looking like something the startled security guards encountered in the ransacked offices of the Watergate complex.
It was interesting, therefore, to read an article at the weekend by a decluttering expert.
“No one is born organised,” wrote this systematic sage, although I still reckon he was the kind of person who emerged into this world with a Filofax in his tiny, delicate paws.
Anyway, according to the good folk at the National Association of Professional Organisers - yes, there is such a thing - we waste a year of our lives looking for misplaced items.
I wonder if they have factored humble golfers like us into that calculation? Let’s face it, over the course of another season of enthusiastic ineptitude we’ll spend bloomin’ yonks rummaging and guddling for lost causes. Perhaps I’m just speaking for myself here?
But I’m rambling, as usual. This column really needs to be more organised. So, let’s crack on.
Here we are in the middle of June and the penultimate men’s major of the season, the US Open, is already upon us. They hurtle by, don’t they? The World Cup will still be on when July’s Open Championship finishes.
Given that June in this country, by and large, has been pretty rotten weather-wise, it feels like the golf season hasn’t even started and yet the majors are almost done and dusted.
Let’s enjoy them while they’re here, eh? All golfing roads lead to Shinnecock Hills, perched on the eastern end of New York’s Long Island and just about far enough away from Brooklyn to avoid ITV’s sprawling World Cup studio and Roy Keane’s glowering countenance.
A US Open experience tends to be seared on the mind. Such is the unrelenting, exacting examination posed at what is generally known as golf’s toughest test, some of the competitors just about require counselling at the end of it.
"There are more bogeys in the last nine holes of the US Open than in any other tournament in God's creation,” suggested the 1986 champion, Raymond Floyd.
Auld Raymond clearly never witnessed the chaotic inward half of the Association of Golf Writers’ Autumn Salver.
And what did the great Sam Snead make of it all? “You not only have to be good, but you also have to have two horseshoes up your rear end,” said Snead as he conjured up some deliciously wincing imagery to illustrate the need for a certain amount of luck from those golfing gods.
Robert MacIntyre, meanwhile, had his own views on the US Open challenge. Ahead of last year’s Ryder Cup some 50-odd miles along the road at Bethpage Park, the Scot had a knock around Shinnecock Hills on an early reconnaissance mission. It made a lasting impression.
“Shinnecock could be absolutely carnage,” said MacIntyre. “I remember hitting a 4-iron into the 18th green. It was a different wind, a northerly, and Mike, my caddie, was like, ‘just keep watching this thing’.
“It must have ran 40-50 yards off the green. I was like ‘wow’.”
According to MacIntyre, Rory McIlroy fired a 65 during that casual European outing to Shinnecock. A few years earlier on the same course in the 2018 US Open, McIlroy suffered his worst day at a major when he stumbled and staggered to a ruinous 80 on day one.
He duly missed the cut and was possibly strapped to a gurney and wheeled out of the premises.
That staging of the championship was particularly fraught. During the third round, the wind and the sun made the greens so firm, it was akin to putting on the back of a greasy soup spoon.
The last 45 players on Saturday’s draw failed to break par while a bewildered Phil Mickelson made a bizarre protest and hit his ball while it was still moving on the 13th green. He took a 10 after receiving a two-shot penalty for his actions. Carnage, indeed.
A year ago, at daunting Oakmont, MacIntyre came within touching of becoming the first Scot to land the US Open since Tommy Armour triumphed at the same venue back in 1927.
It wasn’t to be, of course. In a tumultuous finale, J.J Spaun birdied the 17th to inch ahead and, with MacIntyre looking on in the recording hut, the American rolled in almighty birdie putt of almost 70-feet on the last to gild the lily.
MacIntyre has missed the cut in his last two major apperances this season. In this topsy-turvy game, though, we’re always looking for morsels of hope, little omens and tenuous portents.
So, here we go. Back in 1896, James Foulis became the first Scot to win the US Open. And yes, you’ve guessed it, he won at Shinnecock Hills.
Scottie Scheffler, the world No 1, is aiming to complete the final leg of the career grand slam this week while Adam Scott will reach a significant milestone.
This US Open is the Australian’s 100th major in a row, a run bettered only by Jack Nicklaus’ remarkable sequence of 146.
The elegant, enduring Scott remains so delightfully manicured, I’m convinced he has a shower and change of clothes between holes.
Whatever happens at Shinnecock Hills, Scott’s major centenary will still be neat and tidy. The National Association of Professional Organisers would approve.
